Judge — July 12, 1890 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 219 STRAUSS ON THE BENNETT LAW. vos great oxcitement in Milwaukee dis school peesness aboud,” said Dinkelspiel as he took his glass of lager and sat down. Strauss said nothing, but wiped his bar industriously and wound up by giving a half-lemon which had fallen into the sawdust to Johnny Connelly the newsboy. “Unt, by chimminy, dey vos goin’ to get dot school-board indicated by der crand chury uf dey don’t look a leedle oud,” said Bimblesock as he lighted his big china pipe. Strauss said nothing. but sniffed disdainfully and in his excitement put a small pretzel in the dollar compartment of the money-drawer and locked it up. “Dot peen all right,” said Kalbfleisch, the band-leader: “uf we don’t vant to send our shil- drens to dot English school dis vos a free coontry, ain'd it? 1 should eggsclaim! Dere vas all kind beeples, unt ve got to hafe all kind schools, else dey peen trouble on der foorst floor. “Booly for Kalbfleisch !” ran around the saloon; “he ain’d afraid to take der cat by der horn, ‘Take annuder von mit me.” Ya-a-a,” said Strauss in a tone of concentrated contempt and disgust: you vould raise der tuyvel mitout a shteam derrick, you vould. Breehaps you could paint mine pack mit some glue unt set me oop to catch flies, ain'd id? 1 peen dis coontry in since ‘fifty-eight, unt 1 got some regollections fon dem knownothings. Id’s besser dot you don’t shteb on der tail uf a dog dot shleebs. Py crashus! in dem times you could buy Dutchmen for finif cent a bunch, unt swei dozen in a bunch, unt Irishmen vas trowed in for nodings. Oxseckly! unt you didn’t hafe der Cherman boleeceman ridin’ free on der horses-cars unt der Prooklyn pridge ofer; nein. Unt you seen in der noose- bapers unt on der fences unt on der lags dese vorts: ‘Put none but Amer- icans in der guard-house to-night!" Shentlemen,” and Strauss waved his hand, “it vas my peesness to sell peer unt your peesness to pay finif cents for two I member me dot dere ish dree times as many natif Americans as dere vas and a silence fell down and shrouded the saloon like a wet circus-bill over a THE CONCERT -SINGER’S NIGHTMARE. the long staircase I passed with noiseless tread. Faintly | heard a murmur from the harp in a corner. “*Si-mi!” it sang in plaintive melody. “See you!” I cried; “why should I see you? What have you that other instruments have not?” “Sol,” drawled the harp again, “What a lyre!” said the flute, and I agreed. A chilly horror oerspread me as I began to ask myself,“ What am I that "— viol!" shrieked the fiddle, interrupting and answering my question. “Ab, | must be mad!" I concluded. try eating something; but what shall it be?” "Do," twanged the irrepressible harp. but that!" 1 pleaded; would EMBARRA not sustain me in the difficult trio Miss Pinpexcast—"' Young which I sing to-morrow with two Tz: be you married i ie i CLERK —" N-no, ma'am." prima-donnas.” “Three flats!" de- Miss PINvercast —""I'm sor- ANY PORT IN A STORM. clared the piano, and, entirely dis- couraged, I—wakened. ry. I'm goin’ ter be, an’ I thought you might tell me what brides is wearin’ fer a trip acrost th’ Wee- hawken ferry an’ back.” A SUMMER SONGLET. OW poets sing about the lamb light skipping o'er the leas; but the average man prefers him minus skip and plus green peas. A FEW STRAY THOUGHTS. NEXT to nothing—a girl on the avenue walking with the av- crage dude. ‘The one thing needful to put a person of prominence on a level with kings and queens is to be shot at a few times “We old maids,” said Miss Pinchley, “love cats be no husbands, and cats are almost as treacherous as men.” The falt of the first man may have been due to an apple, but if the record had called it a banana everybody would have sworn to it. Some of our complaining husbands nowadays wish they had pur- sued the original method of courtship of Henry VIII, who married a girl first and axed her afterward. There are times when you cannot trust to appearances, as for instance when you see a woman smiling and singing merrily as she sews the last year's trimming on her new summer hat. THE PROVERBIAL STRAW. WOMAN rushes into an up-town station-house bathed in tears, but evidently more angry than sorrowful. “And what can we do for you, mai politely, as she stopped in front of his d emotions. “Oh, sir! my rascal of a hus- band has played me stich a scurvy asked the sergeant exhausted. by her What has he done?” “Why, gone and cut his throat in the parlor that’s just been newly furnished, and his wicked old blood has blotted out all the roses in our handsome Moquette carpet. Oh, dear! oh, dear! why.couldn't: he have done it in the garret?” comicbooks.com