Judge — July 5, 1890 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ate this morning. A FOURTH OF JULY ORATION. T IS VERY difficult nowadays to make a good original fourth of July speech, and a few suggestions to orators who will make their bow on that oc: be in order. In the first place be “Friends and countrymen!” Mark Anto- ny said the same thing some years ago, but he got in“ Romans” in the introduction, and if you feel it your duty to add another word it would be well to exclaim, with a wave of your hand, nds, fellow-citizens and countrymen.” Some people may object to being called coun trymen, but you must not mind that. Do not go further into Shakespeare, however, and ask the listeners to lend you their ears, That is an and probably some one in the audience ate that yours are long enough for all pur- inal phrase, such as this, “1 claim your attention.” Instantly they will give it to you, but, asa rule, that is all that a fourth of July audience ever has to give, so do not ask for anything else. “Friends, fel- low-citizens and countrymen (you say), I claim your attention, We stand beneath the banner of freedom and the sky of liberty. (Do not sug- gest that you ever stand above the sky.) We are assembled here together (which is always true when there is a crowd) upon this moment- ous occasion to render homage to the past, pres- ent and future. Upon this day one hundred and fourteen y ‘0 the declaration of inde- pendence was signed! (This phrase will be sure to please, though, to be exact, one hundred and fourteen years ago July 4th, 1890, was one EAGLE, THE BUNNY, OR, THE SUCCESS OF A DISGUISE. —" They don’t feel over comfortable ; better than sprinting when you don't feel like it.” Tue practe—"T sighted, here.” hundred and fourteen years in the dim future, and to be more exact the declaration of independence was signed on parchment while resting on a table.) Who wa the audience fashion.) It wi Farmer Mippines (sho has been chased)—"' There, you pucker-horned, squint-eyed, nuisance (Pause a moment, and if no one in n tell you and you do not know yourself proceed in this signed by our forefathers of liberty ! (Applause.) LIKE FATHE ‘tarnel ole you didn’t ketch me that time, did yer?” must be getting near- Vda bet my teeth I saw a rabbit over AND THE BURR-BUSH; —"‘I've eaten so much grass I can't run, Wonder if I can’t fool him?” From that great deed sprang the United States of America. (More applause.) We have weath- ered the storms and here we are. (A bit of un- doubted truth.) It is our glorious privilege, my friends (the audience always likes to be called your friend), to live in this glorious land. (Now introduce a little Latin, and if you don’t know enough put in some French and German, some- thing like this): E pluribus unum—Multum in parvo—De gustibus non est disputandum—Ich dien—Bon jour—Voila tout!” (Here the au- dience will go into a spasm of delight, and if you have any reason to believe that they are tired, as they probably will be by that time, make a grand bow and retire gracefully.) PATRIOTIC. F IN love for our country you share And “The star-spangled banner" are versed in, You will know, when ‘the bombs burst in air,” “Twas a national air that they burst in. WHY HE FELT BIG, Bobby —"1 shot a bird with my toy pistol.” Little Johnnie—"That's nothing. Last fourth I shot my arm full of slugs.” SPECIALLY PREPARED. Peddler —" Have a thermometer, sit?” Brooklyn man —" No.’ Peddler —"It will keep you cool all sum- mer.” Brooklyn man—* Go away and don’t both- er me!" Peddler —" Sixty degrees is the highest temperature recorded on it the hottest day in August.” Brooklyn man —" Hold on, I'll take two of those. (Pays the money.) These are something new, aren't they?” Peddler (making b exit) "Yes; they're manufactured especially to sell to Brooklyn men.” ER, LIKE SON, LITTLE. nossy —" Blame me if I'm going to see the governor insulted !" comicbooks.com