Judge — June 21, 1890 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE TO BE READ ONLY BY BUDS OF SEVERAL SEASONS. HE UNDERSIGNED will, for the modest sum of five hundred dollars a month, agree to woo, propose and be engaged to, during the summer months (June to October 1st), any lady who can furnish unexceptionable references as to stability of pocket-book, and who will agree to consider this arrangement as a strictly business bargain (lim- ited). He will follow her any time after June 1st to ; any summer resort she may select, beg (in an ostentatious manner) for a speedy introduction, allow his consuming passion to be apparent to the most careless observer, let the habitues of the re- sort understand that only the sense of his utter unworthiness keeps him from throwing himself at her dainty feet; and at last, when she has generously overlooked this and accepted him, his devotions will increase daily (in the eyes of the world), and his tender gallantry be only equaled by his accommodating lack of jealousy whenever she chooses to relieve him from duty for a brief space in favor of some other man’s attentions, If at any time a bona fide offer of marriage is received by her she will be privileged to accept it on payment of the sum stipulated for the entire season, At the end of the season he will allow it to go forth that she has broken the engagement, and will vanish from sight (presumably) to heal his wounded heart. He makes one condition —he will not marry her under any cir- cumstances, Unexceptionable references as to style, beauty, clothes and the popular degree of fastness furnished by mail. Candy, ice-cream, flowers, rides and drives given in any desired quantity—at her expense. First come, first served. Write early Address 1, D, 101 Foot of gooth ave. and avoid the rush. Metropolia, aserine Avene, Anglomerica. HUM OF THE COURT. PERHAPS the census-taker who committed suicide was afraid they would put some of their mean old questions to him. WALT WHITMAN wrote a poem to Queen Vicky, and the very next day it was announced that she was in good health while he was RECENT picture of Alphonse Daudet scems to indicate that he, too, made a vow not to cut his hair till John C. Fremont was elected president, HEN THE KAISER tells Bismarck to keep his mouth shut that is pretty good evidence that his majesty’s hearing is acute—or rather that he has enlarged his ears. HE APOLOGY of Miss Bisland for having gone around the world is rather enjoyably presented in the Cosmopolitan, and the reader regrets that she esthetically promises not to do it again. MAN of Chenango county killed himself because a woman with whom he had run away returned to her husband. We shall an- nounce the funeral of the husband in our next issue. MBS. PARSONS says dynamite is to be the liberator of the human race. The liberty that consists of being blown into atoms suits us none too well, and after all the existing imprisonment is not so bad. ‘Are you going to arrest that wheel?” iam that.” STRANGER —" What for?” Orricer—"' Fer bein’ aff its nut.” HERE ARE millions of pretty girls who have hard work to. make a living, and here is an Egyptian who wants sixty thousand dollars for the dust of Cleopatra, It makes us so mad that we want to down with the dust. THE statistics regarding ignorance are very large outside of the docu- ments, For instance, many of the good and worthy citizens don’t know whether the census-taker is a horse-thief, a book-agent, or an enumerator in behalf of a military draft. LOST WEED. SILBERMANN “Hef a scegar?” His customer *1 don'd care.” SILKERMANN— Yell, ohf you don’d care I shmokes him meinselluff. How vos drade in ind Louie?" comicbooks.com