Judge, 1890-06-21 · page 5 of 16
Judge — June 21, 1890 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of Judge's social commentary: **"The Incongruity of a Belle"** mocks the contradiction between women's modest dress requirements on land versus their minimal bathing attire at the beach. The joke hinges on a father's complaint that his daughter's modest shore wardrobe costs thousands yearly, yet she wears almost nothing while bathing—exposing the arbitrary nature of Victorian dress codes. **"What the Wives of Great Men Are Good For"** is a lengthy satirical essay listing a wife's duties to support her husband's greatness: managing his health, preserving his home, controlling noise, serving as his secretary, and accepting his moods. The sardonic tone critiques how wives sacrifice personal needs to advance male achievement, only hoping for recognition in heaven. The remaining brief items—about a robber's politeness, Cleveland's indifference to Dana's criticism, and deceiving women about wealth—are typical Judge humor: short situational jokes exploiting class anxieties and gender dynamics of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
INCONGRUITY OF A BELLE, ITIWAS on the sands of Seecauket bay That I met a friend of many a day, + And we two fell a-talking ; When from the door of a bath-house near There tripped a maid who, sans all fear, Adown the beach went walking. 1" T said, “what a pretty lass! Will you tell me how it comes to pass ‘That you, my friend, have caught her?” “It's simple, John, his calm reply— And I saw a smile in his leeward eye— “* For yonder nymph's my daughter. “*She bathes each day, as you see her now, , In dress so scant that I raise a row “ef Be: / si yp And start in to remind her <A. Fy PRY ‘That when ashore in lace and frill s % \ 7 4 AWS SHOW, ETC. Six thou, a year ‘Il not pay the bill —N STRAWS SHOW, ETC. For’tlotke . AFTERNOON CALLER For clothes enough to find her. . 1 A Tne Lippie disen: Just then she plunged through a roller blue, ‘And coming out as they always do Airaid eo (cca'aine When you think they're gone forever, seen her young man hurry She sang with joy, “Oh, papa mine! . down th’ front steps with T never had a suit so fine, - ig diamond # dag she And he? Well, he asked, “Never?” «. sen rearing Hace Ar WHAT THE. WIVES OF GREAT MEN ARE GOOD FOR. HE wife of a great man finds herself a necessary, if unrecognized, a y of greatness. If she have a proper understanding of genius, its requirements and conditions of action; if, above all, her loyalty to it as its chosen handmaiden outweighs the demands of her own petty and personal needs and desires, she will not fail To efface herself for his greater glory: To thank heaven that her husband is great, if not always agreeable; To see that his dyspepsia is not aggravated by food prepared by menial hands ; To renovate the house from attic to basement during his annual absence to the mountains, the in- terior, or the coast; To strike dumb all instruments within a radius of half a mile; To paralyze the throats of cocks that indulge their natural. propensities ; To make his scrap-books; To be his critic; To see that he does not roam the country bareheaded ; To preserve the fragments of wisdom that fall from his lips; To bear with his ill humors, which might otherwise be vented upon a public as innocent as herself and less forbearing ; To be found always within call until he himself shall respond to the call of one yet greater. After which To prepare his memoirs. And finally To close her eyes with the furtive hope of a heaven where greatness shall sometimes wait on little- ness, giving from its abundance rather than draining the tiny brook that the ocean of its own im- mensity may be augmented. A KIND-HEARTED ROBBER. ¢4] HEAR that you were robbed last night, Gilroy.” “Yes, Larkin; but the highwayman seemed to think I needed some assistance.” i “How was that?” “He held me up.” HE WISHES HE DID. Reporter —*Well, Mr. Cleveland, do Mr. Dana's re- marks annoy you much?" Mr, Cleveland —" Well, \'m not losing any flesh over them." JUSTIFIABL ALTHOUGH deceit may make you twiteh, In wooing, I am sure, I'd rather have her think me rich ‘Than know that Tam poor. < HIS FATAL IGNORANCE. Fangle—"So poor Robinson is dead.” . + 5 “; UNWILLINGLY ACCOUTRED. ‘umso ; he was killed in the discharge of his a . * How did your cat get hurt 7 Mr. Dunxsriet.—'* Dot cat ain'd hurt. Katrine vos yoost put his uniforms on to play Fangle —"\ see; he didn’t know his duty was loaded.” mit der leedle babe fer a vhile.”” comicbooks.com