Judge — April 19, 1890 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 27 Algy (at the door) —"' Is Miss Giddy at home?” The new girl—"' Be youse Mr. White or Mr. Black?” Algy —"Mr, Black.” The new girl—Thin O'im to tell yer that she #2 at home, sor. Come in!” —Wew York Sun. Miss Gotham —"* Why do those westerners call east- ern people tenderfeet?” Xeturned tourist —* Because eastern people can't walk forty miles into the country to look at a ten thousand dollar suburban lot without feel- ing tired.” w York Weekly When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria. When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria, When she had Children, she gave them Castoria ‘The rose and lily side by side Were in a bouquet pent : “Ah!” the rose exclaimed, “' you're fair to see.” And the lily said, ‘* Of course, tee hee ! But you cannot borrow aught from me, For I haven't got a scent,” —Philadelphia Press. Mrs, Wixstow's SoorHtne Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhoea, "25 cents a bottle. LICKING A MAN SOFTLY. Two men met on Sixth street, near High, the other day, and both stopped and looked hard at each other. ‘Then one said : “Jim, Tim going to Tick you." When ?" * Right off—no “I don't believe you can do it.” “Then I'll die trying. It shail be a fair fight." “Very well.” ‘Then’ one took out his false teeth and laid them on the fence, the other hung his new hat and overcoat on a picket, and the first observed : “Be careful: of my left leg, Tom. there. “All right; and you look out for my right ear, as it is sore from neuralgia.” At this moment a policeman happened along and warned them against raising any row, and one said: “All right, Jim ; T'll lick you next week.” “T'll be there, 1 Good-bye."—Free Press. I've had a boil ‘om. —10— CENTS PACKAGE ‘An all-tobacco, Long Filler Cigarette, the most delicious and wholesome smoke ever offered for the money. CONSOLIDATED CIGARETTE CO, ‘Ave. D and roth St., New York. YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. THE CELEBRATED PIANos ‘Aro at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St, N.Y. SOHMER & CO., ruta, Pa., 1318 Chestnut Street ; Curcaco, Tur., 236 treet : San Francisco, Cat., Union Ciub Building: Sr. Lovis, Mo., t522 Olive Street’; Kansas Crry, Mo, 1123 Main St eee Y WBARKER trov.ny. 25S SK YOUR DEALER FOR IT MANUF? We suppose it is King Gambrinus to whom we hear occasional reference as ‘his royal jags.”"—Binghamton Leader, “Throw physic to the dogs, ters for good digestion and a healthy appetite. M'frs, Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & Sons. and use Angostura Bit- Sole ‘Ask your druggist. Tonsorial artist (insinuatingly)—" But your hair, sir, comes clear down to your coat-collar.” Stubborn’ vic~ tim —""In that case I'll have the coat-collar cut down.” —Dry Goods Chronicle. Old Cocktails (drinking a good stiff glass just after dinner) —"‘Ah! that’s the stuff. It is funny, but I never feel an appetite for dinner unless I take a drink afterward."—New York Tribune. THE KAISER'S FAVORITE Champagne is ‘*Cabinet Sekt,” of Kloss & Foerster, Freyburg. Thomsen & Co., 87 Wall st., sole agents. THE LOST CHORD FOUND. We stood alone in the choir loft, By the organ tall and grim, While over the keys her fingers Followed her own sweet whim; I spoke of the coming parting ‘And pleaded one farewell kiss But her modest wish forbade me Lest the sexton old might list. ‘Then I struck on the organ a strong, full chord, And ere its echoes died, In the twilight dim of the old gray church I kissed my promised bride. We stood again at the organ, When many years had fled ; Bat she thought me cold and heartless, ‘And I thought her old love dead. T spoke of our last fond partin, Of the chord and its tender tide, And how, like the sound of that music, Our love had throbbed and died ; Then my heart leaped up with a great, glad bound And forgot its recent pain, For she blushed and, dropping her lashes, “Could you find me that chord again?" —New York Mercury, said, TRY “REX WHEAT" AND SEE why every day scores of keep it” take the 4g Pearl street for it. mous, ‘ople whose grocers ‘don't trouble to come way down to ‘A new article, but already fa- We hope that it was not a Boston girl who remarked, as she looked upon some specimens of that animal which is supposed to flourish in Chicago, “Oh, just see the sweet little pigmies !"—Boston Post, MARIE BRIZARD AND ROGER CORDIALS are pronounced by all connoisseurs to be the most pop- ular after-dinner drink of Europe and America. Branch house, T. W. Stemmler, Union Square, New York. Loto knocked his head against the edge of the table, thout, however, being much, if any, the worse. ‘And t is fond mother. “* No-o-0 !" there was nobody round to THE NEW HOLL of Cleveland, Ohio, is the ‘most magnificent hotel in’ the west. American and European plans. Baldness has its suggestive side even to the infantile mind, Little Roger was frequently treated by his father to a “pig-back” ride on the descent to the breakfast- room, As the little fellow was mounting to his custom- ary place one morning, he was seized with an idea as he came into close proximity with the bald pate of his sire, and rubbing his hand over its glossy surface he ex- claimed, ** Moon, papa, moon ! “Smith is a‘man of very striking characteristics.” Yes; he strikes me for a loan every time he sees me.” —Washington Post, A woman doesn’t mean half the wicked things she says, and a man does not say half the wicked thiggs he means.—A tchison Globe. Boker's Bitters since 1828 acknowledged to be by far the best and finest Stomach Bitters made, whether taken pure or with wines or liquors. Tailor —‘* Married or unmarried, Mr. Watson?” Customer —" Married.” Tailor (to. cutter) —"* One pocket concealed in vest." Customer —"* Eh! what's that for?” Tailor. “To hide your small change, sir. I'm married myself. Morning Journal. Judge—You've been earning something ; T can’t understand how it is you have failed to satisfy your creditors?" /nsolvent debtor —""1 have nine reasons for acting as I have done: A wife, a mother-in-law, six children, an empty purse—total nine."—/! Carlino, Glaggerty—“‘ Hello, Binsted | What's this new fad you've taken up? I notice that you have all your letter- paper headed, ‘This letter is speled acording tu the principls of fonetic reform.’ Are you a crank on spell- ing reform?" Binsted—"* Not much. But, you see, old man, my early education was neglected, and I can't spell worth a cent anyhow."—Exchange. “Can you,” remarked the gentleman from Boston to the gentleman from Chicago, ‘‘give me your views on current art?” ‘Certainly ; with pleasure,” was the an- swer. “‘A currant tart is a mighty good thing. The crust should be made very short and the currant jelly” But here the gentleman from Chicago was met with a cold and pallid stare for an instant. A copy of Browning dropped on the floor, a pair of gold-rimmed spectacles lay at his feet, there was a rush of flying foot- steps, followed by a hoarse cry from the deck of the Lake Michigan steamer of ‘* Man overboard !” And the gentleman from Boston had vanished.—Peoria, JUl., Transcript. Me DHIL pigest!® LIPS’ “LOCOCO Unequaled for Delicacy of Flavor and Nutri- tious Properties. Easily Digested. Different from all other Cocoas. 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