Judge — April 12, 1890 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE FATE OF A SUPERANNUATED ELEPHANT. Duiscout (the showman) —"* iver raised in county Clare, Oirelan THE TRADE IS OFF. (eT RADE yer an orange for a piece of pic,” whispered one school-boy to another, just before recess. “Haven't any pi “Then it's all right. I haven't any orange.” THE SPRING POET. THE poet, when he thinks of toil With nature, wakes at springtim So now he burns the midnight oil And chooses it for singtime. TEMPTING PROVIDENCE. Grocer —"Don't put those fresh-laid eggs so near the stove, Clerk: matter, sir Grocer—"They might hatch.” NT v' git his What's the APPLIES TO BOTH, Collector —* 1 would like to see Mr. Jaysmith. Maid —" He's out, Collector (mournfully) — 0am 1." MR. LEGION. H going now to do a thing He never did before ; He always waits until the spring To go and shut the door, —"'I can't hustle another step. ——"" Them double-extry tomattus-cans is grand fer more pupposes 'n one. as gol fer a dollar at th’ dog-pound.” re, ladies an’ gintlemen, yez hov Kitty, th’ biggest pig He's good 5 A MEAN REVENGE. BOBBINS and his wife had just had a terrible row. Mrs. Bobbins was bathed in tears. “Just see, you ugly brute! you've gone and made me use up six handkerchiefs.” “Well,” was the brutal rejoinder, “it ain't. worth while a-goin’ and a-increasin’ of the laundry-bill for a little thing like that.” SUCCESS. NCE on a time 1 dreamed a funny thing, And in it was a man who wanted much. In fact, he wished him universal kin Tt seemed that some strange power made him such. But pulling all the strings of earthly rule Made him desire an increase in his sway ; He wished with globes and satellites to fool, While he rode planets ‘round the milky way. ‘Then he went speeding quick through mighty space To find a nook or corner for desire, Ie whipped the orb into a swifter pace— He now is smoke. His vehicle took fire. A ROADSIDE IDYL. 1 say, it’s too blame bad fer a man of my years t’ have AN EVASION. ee PERKINS told me the whole story as I have repeated it to you, and he cautioned me not to lisp a + word of it to anybody.” “But you have told me.” “Yes; but I don't lisp.” STRAY THOUGHTS. T IS easier to establish a reputation for goodness with the world at large than with those of our own household. Experience does not re- form her pupils; she slays them. We hate our enemies with far more intensity than we love our friends. The woman with whom one has grown old is always young. Got t" take my chances.” OUR COUNTRY COUSIN. HE DID not took into a gun, Nor did he touch a wire; He did not with an oil-can run ‘To hurry up the fire. "Twas not a case of suicide— He just blew out the gas and died. IT SUPPORTED HIM. 66 YOU have no right to send me up as a vagrant,” said a lame beggar to a magistrate. “You have no visible means of support,” replied the judge. “What's the matter with this crutch?” comicbooks.com