Judge — April 5, 1890 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NOT CALCULATED TO SOOTHE. Bap Peter know what Mr, Whatty wants to go home with Sister Kate for!” Mr. WHATTY wut, tut, my little _ma Bap Perer— THE MORE EFFECTIVE MEMBER, N A POLICE-COURT. “Do you mean to say that your husband made a practice of raising ind to you?” ‘0, your honor; he always preferred to use his foot.” NEW DEFINITIONS, Melancholy—The dilettanteism of grief. Medicine—The art that supplies the India rubber that lengthens days, Androcles—The Roman slave who started in the pedicure business for lion: Ferocious—A term serving him in the capa plied by man to those animals that object to of food. if Hore INSURA VIGOROUS METHODS. Mx, BARKLING (undergoing a medical examination for insurance) —" Are you going to punch me again like that, doctor?” THE PHYSICIAN —"" Just once more.” Mr. BARKLING —"' Well, before you do it just have the policy made out and signed, will you? You can ‘tut, tut’ all you want to, but my brother Jack dwes you a lickin an’ you're ‘fraid t' go home alone.” Heads—Lodgings, furnished or unfurnished as the case may be, for ideas. Heart—An alcove where sentiment may reasonably be expected to lurk. BY OUR OFFICE MISANTHROPE. HE state of marriage strongly resembles a besieged city, Those who are outside would give anything to get in, while those who are inside are equally anxious to get out; and it’s this very insanity that makes the world go round. PRICE OF A POE, Editor —" What p you put on that poer oct —*A dollar and eighty cents a thousand feet; the same as the gas companies charge.” AN APRIL FOOL, AX APRIL foot who wit doth lack Is he who trusts the almanac— ‘That it is April deems it spring, Whereas ‘tis not genuine thing— Who deems the ¢ wintry winds are [Hfithian = HER WAY OF EXPRESSING THINGS. DEACON SITGREAVE: * Your sons are all doin’ well down to York, ain't gone And puts his overcoat in pawn, DETHRONED. Young man—" 1 ungler- stand you want a young man to help edit your paper?” Editor —"Yes, have you had any experience?” . _Kensico— “Splendid! El- insurin’ folks, ‘Thomas is politickin’, Joshua 's a doctor, an’ Joha brokes down to th’ stock swapper,”” Young man —"1 have taken one term in journalism at Cornell uni- versity, and "— Editor —That will do. You may take my desk and go to work and Vl go and run the elevator, Please be as kind to the rest of the staff as you can.” WHY HE MOVED WEST. Sunrway —"1 hear that MeWatty has moved to Chicago and is liter- ally going to the dogs.” Simeral—" He knows what he is doing.” Sumway—" Indeed ?" Simeral—"Yes; in Minois habitual drunkenness for two years is legal ground for divorce.” comicbooks.com