Judge — April 5, 1890 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 423 CRUSHING A CONGRESSMAN. ‘6] REPRESENT the ‘steenth district of Kansas in congress,” remarked the Honorable Obadiah Slaughter, as he took up his pen to register at the Blossom house, St. Louis. “Oh, well, that's all right,” replied the clerk indulgently. “It isn’t your fault and shouldn't be allowed to prejudice any one against you. You were in the hands of your friends, I suppose, and they elected you largely against your w “Y-y-yes,” replied the statesman, who was somewhat astonished at the reception given his dis- closure of identity. “But I had to spend a few days here on business and I thought it would be as well to mention my position, and” “Oh, that's all right. We'll not discriminate against you, In a house like this we have to put up even with members of the legislature. 1 guess it will be all right. By the way, you had a lively time in the house over the world’s fair. Of course you saw the superior claims of St. Louis and voted "-— “Well, no; the fact is 1 voted for Chicago. “What! Voted for Chicago and then come right here to St. Louis and boast about it! Why, man "— “Isn't it safe?” gasped the congressman tremulously. L “Safe! = ae You must be A BIT OF VIRTU. chin enisery, FILLED tall was she with pride of ancestry, eae A maid of whom rapt poets oft have oo aan now what Her eyes like stars of Leda lustrous Would hap- 3 pen if the gleamed, boys knew Her ev'ry move bespoke gentility ; She was the very soul of poesy, there was a Her voice was low, her words like music Congressman seemed, in town who And when I heard her speak my thoughts voted for fast teemed Chicago. It's With rapture such as seldom came tome! lucky you I, foolish artist, loved and married her: told me in- Her tastes expensive brought me pain stead of some and woe ; one else. My money, books and pictures quick Now, [Il have flown— protect you; but you mus do as I Quick as in autumn fades the gossamer, But she alone sticks fast; well, be it so; She's now the only ornament I own, NATHAN 1, LEVY. “Preserve a strict incognito. Register as D. McGinty or under some other nom-de-plume, and don't breathe a word about congress while you are in St. Louis or your == = dreadful secret will be suspected, I don’t know but what AN AIDITOLTRUTHEULIEES. I really ought to lock you up in the safe at night; but per- fics ays est a Jessup (Geoxcia) crrizex—"* You can get the story from an intelligent negro's own lips, haps you'll not be harmed if you follow my directions. ie, JERspte tvaar tace oppressed in this ste?" Front! wat, M SIVITER, Casrar (promptly) —“* Nossir ; we's comf'able as chipmunks, sah !" CORRECTING A MISAPPREHENSION. SeCANT you make better time than thi: asked a merchant of an office- boy who had consumed too much time on an errand. “My dear sir,” replied the boy, who was from Boston, “I do not make time at all, I merely use that provided by a higher power.” FRIGID. JONES has just married a giel who, although bringing him a pretty penny in the way of a fortune, has been unable to fall very deeply in love with him, “Do you know,” the poor man remarked to a friend, “she’s so frigid that I'm afraid to take her in my arms lest I should catch the influenza,” ” CAP AND BELLS. HEAR the ringing of the bell—chestnut bell ; What a tale of tiresomeness its tinkling doth foretell ! It will tinkle, tankle, jingle, jangle, all this livelong day, And if you listen carefully you'll hear it boldly say, “Oh, I'm very tired of April fool and April foolish fun; T haven't seen a good new joke played since A. D. year one.” ARISTINE. ANDERSON, THAT EXPLAINED IT. TWO old friends were playing dominoes in a saloon and chatting in the intervals of the game. SOMNOLENT VIGOR. “Yes, our Susan is an excellent servant; in fact she must have been ORCHESTRA LEADER (as the last of the audience files out)—'* What little short of perfection itself, seeing that she’s lived six years with my do you mean, you scoundrel, by banging that drum in the pianissimo wife,” passages ? « route Tk it re Here BuGGeNTHAL—" Oxcuse me, I vos fall ashleeb und dhink But you've lived with her a good deal longer than that’ me I vos arguin’ mit mein frau Katrine.” “True; but then you know I'm never at home.” comicbooks.com