Judge — March 29, 1890 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE AN EASTER OFFERING. HE bells gave gentle warning How soft the day and splendid ! As forth we tripped in search Our shadows flitted fast, Of peace and joy at church On sanny pavement cast, That Easter morning. And—sometimes blended. My lilies-of-the-valley Half fledged my wild hope fluttered Smifed on her breast, and who Like bird from Easter nest, In such a case (could you ?) And passion long repressed Might calm sense rally? T rashly uttered. Dear girl! how sweet her blushing, Since then, its love-dream ended, Her little trembling sigh, My poor life seems—ab, well ! Her firm yet sad reply Only a broken shell My fond heart crushing. ‘That can't be mended. AN ESSAY ON EARS. OLKS have ears and so have clams and oysters. Corn also has ears and even walls have them. There is Hiffae— one nice, polite thing about a wall—he never tells on a fellow. I say “he” because a wall makes me think A SOUVENIR. of a man in this respect. Clams and oysters don’t tell all they know either. Who ever heard of a clam Mas, Wextav—" What a. striking listening to what a couple of oysters were gossiping about and running to tell all of his relations that one of — portrait that i them had a pearl and was trying to sell it off on shares? No one ever heard of such a thing. Why, you have Mrs. Coorporr—"' Yes; we set a 3 ; , shee store by it. It's our son Egsonby who to cut aclam’s ears clean open to get him to shell out anything at all; and it’s just so with oysters. Asto died in’Texas, | The commitece seat the folks, their ears run frame home with him,” in different sizes. If you see a man with little, economical ears hugging up close to the sides of his head, chalk him down as stingy. Big { ears are the symptoms of generosity. Such an individual will '\{ PINAFORE. $ give you his piece of mind, give you all his bad debts, give YW rag THe) , warning; in fact give his wife away, his heart is so crammed 'QHDPERA| ‘ SF ? «with the overflowing liquid of generosity. SE) aes | Big ears are good sometimes when the wind blows, acting as sails. Iam acquainted with a man who hires himself out every summer to the proprietor of a boat-house. He just seats himself in the equator of a row-boat with his face to the wind and away she goes. One day he was going with such force he ran into a steam yacht, cut her in two and came out on the other side without scratching the paint off his boat. Here's a conundrum. I never made one before. When does alady’s head contain'a party? Give it up? Allright. When she has a gathering in her ear. Corn has pretty honorable sort of ears, Imagine corn peaching on a squash! He'd pull his yellow hair close down over his ears and grow dry and husky before he'd do such a thing. Some folks have ears and can't hear and some have them and won't. Some again hear everything and more too. If my ears are hearing aright that’s Maria in the next room whacking my little fac-simile and yelling to me to stop quill- ing and go to bed, and—I'll stop right ‘ear. tone 1. owns. SWIFT VENGEANCE. Oxestes—" What part of the repertory shall we give these greasers t’night ?” CLaupius—"' Oh, they'll stand * Pinafore,’ I reckon. Don't believe they ever heard of it. T'll bill it anyway. THE STINGIEST MAN IS DEAD. HaAvinc used all the broken bread in the bouse to spread the “Rough on rats” on for the mice, he took the rest_him- self “to save it.” HE SAW IT. Lady of the house (to tramp going through the gate) —* Here ! you promised to saw that wood if | gave you a me Tramp —"Ves'm; and 1 have fulfilled my promise. 1 saw it as passed by. Your grammar is somewhat defective, 1 am pained to observe.” IN A RESTAURANT. Goodenough (dining with «Reverend Mr. Watchout) —" Yes, temptations are many; but as a married man I never allow my- self to become entangl”-— Small boy (entering) —" Now, mister, there’s a man wants to see you aewaitin’ ‘round the corner till you git through.” Goodenough —" Wants to sce me?” Small round by the milliner-siop, She hurry up.” A LEGAL SECRET. Lawyer —"\ have examined this will very carefully and 1 see no chance of breaking it.” Heir —* Wat, sir, my uncle was no lawyer and surely you ought to find some flaw in an instrument drawn by such a man. Lawyer —"You should understand, sir, that lawyers are the . Rep McCoy (from hotel pi We ain't lost none of our sleight-of-hand only ones qualified to draw a will that can be broken. chuckin’ knives, have we podner comicbooks.com