Judge — March 8, 1890 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE A LOVER OF LEARNING. OLLEGE fellers! well, says I, Reckon never was a man 'F I'd of hed a chance to feed Liked a book ez well ez me; On the stujous oats an'—rye Why, I'd ruther set an’ scan Which they ‘pear to thrive on—why Throo a page of spellin’ than T' of beat ‘em all fer speed. ‘Smoke er chew in company. Suits me when the candle ’s lit Lor’, the packs 0° truths thet lay ‘An’ the logs er flamin' high ‘Twixt them yeller kivers !—jokes Jest to dror the blind an’ sit ‘Thet ef I was laid away Sprawlin’, half-asleep, an’ yit In a grave ud make my clay With the almanick clost by. Hoot an’ how! like livin’ folks. Stories too, an’ hand-signed bills Makes me mighty shaky-kneed, Wrote by folks give up to die Spellin’ out the symptom list ; *Fore they beerd o' Plunkett's pills. Nigh near every one I read Tell ye! them’s the things thet fills Seems a-growin' like a weed Up your throat an’ damps your eye. In me, till T fahly jist ‘ I b 5 ce! Just because. you are marrying us you've got no call to be Git so pious thet my ha'r Oftener ‘an what I've went so almighty familiar, is Miss Williams so Heaves on end an’ cold chills lurch Late years~ef I'm spared from dyin’ far, and don’t you forget it!" Down my spine; an’ then T sw'ar Spite of all the ailments pent Ina stumblin’ sort o pray'r Up in my old hide. They're sent : Thet I "low to go to church Mebby jest for sancterfyin’. TWO MOTTOES. ee Grocer —“1 have always believed in GOING TOO FAR. r fair dealing. My motto in life has been S6YOU'RE an old reprobate!” exclaimed an indignant and much- ‘Live and let live.’ Can you find one that will beat that?” abused wife to her husband. Soap-manufacturer —"Nes; \'ve got one that lays all over that. “Hold on there!” he shouted; “1 object to the word ‘ old." My motto in life has been ‘ None other genuine.’ THE REGIMENTAL GOAT, AND PRIVATE SHAUGHNESSY'S DISLIKE FOR HIM, MARCH. ‘MARCH we feel the first fine touch of spring ; ‘The household demons then assert themselves ; ‘There is a general cleaning of the shelves; Ye gods, how brooms do fly and brushes swing! How all the day is spent in furbishing ! In March the gardener gets a job and delves Whilst boys look on as mischievous as elves, And cen the tramp a jocund strain doth sing. In March the poet speaks of vernal bloom, Yet often many wintry days appear, And he, alas, is forced to check his rhyme And all his aspirations meet with doom— ‘There is no sight on earth one-half so drear As a spring bard a month ahead of time. MATWAN Me Lav ANOTHER NAPOLEON. Chicago judge—" What! are you here again, Jones?” Jones—"Yes, your honor; this is my fourteenth suit for a decree, SENTENCES PASSED BY \ Chicago judge (signing the THE JUDGE. eae Z ‘Ages , Papers) —""There’s no use in OST women marry because sisting the ‘ Napoleon of divorce. other women marry. SF : ‘i ; 5 FILLED THE BILL. It sometimes happens that y : the est philosophers in theory are the greatest fools in practice, There is nothing so cold— ; ¢ and of necessity—as the -friend- ‘ ‘ legantly-atlired spinster — ship exhumed from the grave of aA “Well, I have fifty thousand in a duty-buried love. : my own right. What's wanted ?” The greater part of one’s . is spent in v This is to be expected. y mistake is when one idly instead of Elegantly-attired spinster — “LT see you advertise for cash- ‘T SEEMS a contradiction, And yet it is no fiction, A man may be at sight waiting busily. SHAUGHNESSY (under his All—fast and loose and tight. Of so much more potency is good than evil-that the devil has lost his personality or been ab- sorbed in the tendencies making for righteousness, A cup’s capacity influenced by the nature of its contents, and one that will bear filling with wormwood will hold an equal measure of wine. Phere is a time for all things, The time to marry can be none other than when the event is inevitable and assumes all the impor- tance of birth or death. ‘The ideal with which one begins life is made of different stuff from that which is to serve a lifetime. ‘The most critical point lies between the shattering of the first ideal and the building up of the second, To dream of life as it should be reveals one’s high aspirations ; but to accept it as it is, striving to broaden and to quicken the cur rent of its progress and to enlarge the scope of its present possi- bilities, shows a higher nobility and a power of adaptation without which individuals and races perish. KATHRIN GROSJRAN, OxveRty —"' Steady, behind there!" comicbooks.com