Judge — March 1, 1890 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WILLING TO PLAY THE PART. was conversing with a friend jon J who complained of the dissolute ways of his nephew and heir. “But you should give him a good talking to," urged Jones. “No use, dear boy; he never listens to anybody but an idiot.” “Perhaps,” suggested Jones, with great modesty, “‘a few words from me might have the desired effect.” e HIS VIEW OF IT. Tramp—"Well, mum, you see I've been out of a job so long that I hate to tackle one now.” Farmer's wif come lazy.” Tramp—"No, mum; it’s not lazi- ness; it’s a disinclination to work.” THE MODERN NIGHTCAP. Roger Thorndyke (coming home at eleven p. m.)—"Tell Mrs. Thorndyke that I am here, Marie.” Servant —1am sorry to say, sir, that Mrs. Thorndyke has just put her beefsteak mask on for the night and cannot be disturbed.” “Ah, you have be- ON A DARK NIGHT. Voice (from upper window) —"' Is that you, Harold, dear?” GuGGINSON (in a disguised voice)—"* Yes, dearest.” Voice —"' Papa's asleep in the library, and if you'll take my trunk and jewel-box we'll be off to the minister's.” Guccixsox —"‘All right, love ; jest let'm down an’ wait till I get ‘m over th’ fence.”” (Zo Aimself)—" Howlin’ mastiffs ! what a snap.” HOW THE MASHERS WERE MASHED. Cuorus (as the train pulls out)—"*Aw there!” THE USUAL CUSTOM. © OW we'll see how heavy you are,” said Cumso, as he led to the scales the woman who had just been married. “ Why is that?” asked she. “Tt is customary to gi bride a weigh.” A TRIOLET. T FELL on the stair And I stole it—how shocking! A guerdon most rare, It fell on the stair, "Twas one of a pair And it fastened her stocking. It fell on the stair And T stole it—how shocking ! OF COURSE! Brown—"Do you know that Fanny Jones has married?” Robinson —" No; whom she married?” Brown—"Why, her husband.” has BELATED BLANEY —'' Yaas, I'm here; but it was a goll-fired close call.” 335 A QUESTION OF COLOR. Small boy (looking intently at a very black specimen of the colored race) — “Did God make you too of dust?” Colored man—Yes, sonny.” Small boy —" Coal-dust?” A PROPHECY. A LITTLE list quite oft appears, “What to eat with the fingers,” And as we read a growing doubt Within our minds now lingers If aught at all will soon be left With knife or fork to eat, Why not make invitations read, “*Please come, some friends to meet, With phalanges deftly manicured, Tis a progressive party ; From dish to dish you'll pick your way, Till the quickest and most hearty ‘The prize shall win—a finger-bowl (You'll use it well, we hope,) With painted motto on the glass: “Come, get thee in the soap.’ ARISTINE. ANDERSON. THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER. First voice (much aggrieved) —" Here you predicted the world was coming to an end last Saturday.” Second voice (conclusively) — “Well, didn't it—for some?” AN OLD-TIME BARBER. Bristles—"1 have a good mind to have that barber arrested.” Downy—" What has he done?” Bristles—"Tried to draw my teeth with his razor.” DREAMS. *¢PERKINS, I had a dream about you last night.” “Pshaw! you don't believe in dreams, do you?” “T don't know. I dreamed that you would soon be a millionaire.” “That's encouraging. Dreams about money always come true, I believe.” s*oMA N, know thyself!” they say; And yet, it is allowed, Such an acquaintance may Not always make us proud, comicbooks.com