Judge — March 1, 1890 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MY PUPIL IN PAINTING. HE cannot draw. Of art there lurks No notion in her pretty noddle. Y With strange distortions, ghastly smirks, She travesties ber helpless model ; fies Inspiring types, artistic poses ; Gives guileless cherubs squinting eyes; Makes patriarchs with twisted noses. She cannot paint. Her reds and blues She mixes in a style amazing ; Does human fiesh in startling hues, Zssthetic garbs in colors crazing ; Gives to her daubs nor shade nor light, Her victims puts to base subjections ; Makes guileless cherubs wanly white; Gives patriarchs carmine complexions. Methinks T glimpse the blissful day Land my class are closer wedded ; Her perpetrations stowed away, Her paint-besmeared pinafore shredded For kitchen-mop. Yea, I foresee When her fair hands will no more battle With brush o tube, but pour out tea, Or darn a sock or shake a rattle. CRUELTY TO THE AGED. Mr. TREDBETTER (sho thinks he is still in the ring)—""It is impossible, Miss Pauline, for me to try to disguise my feelings any longer.” Miss StRates—" Why don’t you buy them a wig? That might help." NINETEENTH CENTURY GLORY. 66] OWN,” said Jacques to his friend, “that I have one human weakness... I am pining for fame, for greatness—notoriety. I stretch forth my arms and long to take to myself that honor and glory which shall make my hand a thing to be sought among the multitude and my name resound throughout the broad avenues of the land. I pine hourly; I lose flesh daily. ‘The sound of a title is sweet in my ears. Could I hear myself addressed as professor 1 should have some object in living.” “My dear fellow !" exclaimed his friend, “why didn’t you say so before? Easiest thing in the world, All you have to do is to hire a balloon and go up in it on the next fourth "—— “But I'm afraid to.” “H’m, You skate, don't you?” “A—a Uillle.” “ Then announce yourself as the champion skater of the world.” CANADIAN SOCIETY WAYS. ATA Montreal reception First guest —" Who is that very sweet little woman over in the bay-window whom everybody seems to shun? . — Second guest —" Oh, she's the wife of Lawyer Hodgkins. She got a Chica- divorce before she married him. No one notices her.” ENT. sae HER COMMENT. First guest —" And who is that tall, angular, homely woman whom every- Mr. Byanes—"'He’s a Jappynase jugular, me dear, an’ in a body is crowding around?” ae ; minute he'll cut aif his head an’ pit it on agin.” Second guest —"A charming woman! The wife of Defaulter Smith of the Mrs. Byrxes—"‘He will? Well, av Oi had a Kead loike thot United States.” aff me, troth Oi'd Zave it aff!" Mrs, Byrnes —'* Phwhat ‘Il that wan do, taal AN HICAL LOVE-SONNET. (With apologies to Professor Felix: Adler.) YES. thou art fair; although Tam not blind ough to think thee of all girls the fairest, low-heeled shoes and artless gowns thou wearest, Good sense, if not good taste, approves. I find Thou art not to soft sentiment inclined, But by thy—well, thine appetite, declarest ‘Thou art possessed, if not of genius rarest At least of a digestion and some mind, Ofttimes I fancy thee and me as mated— By duty and by mutual esteem (And civil contract) held, quite compensated By reason, for the lost romantic dream, Such marriage should not, sure, a failure prove ; And yet—do these lines woo thee? Is this love? MRNKY TYERRLL, TRUE, TRUE! Sunday-school teacher — Johnny Cumso, you may tell me what the root of all evil is.” Johnny —" The route of all evil is the road to Canada.” “Oh, they have just dug up one of my old play-bills in Pompeii, and it's a great ad.” comicbooks.com