Judge — February 22, 1890 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE VERY TIMELY. Stranger —"\ have here a poem, sir, on The beautiful” Editor —" My dear sir, we have ten thousand poems on hand now, and we don't want any more.” Stranger —"'Then perhaps, sir, you will allow me to continue. “The beautiful mud." Editor —" Weill take that, young man.” The beautiful snow’ on My poem is on HINTS TO TRAVELERS. O NOT consider it necessary to run any great risks because you happen to carry an accident policy. Never give a porter a bad quarter of soft metal—the porters have an unpleasant way of biting the money received Do not try your new false teeth on a railroad, sandwich. sandwich is made by contract and not to ez Never encourage the train-boy with oranges, peanuts make him keep his distance, if necessary at the point of Do not put your y to keep your watch safe while you are traveling is to leave it at home. Remember that the bananas and French novels— pistol. ch under your pillow nor leave it in your pocket. ‘The only ON THE “L”, Short —" Slim, in his new po- sition, makes me think of « light- ning rod. Long — Short— “Because he’s an ele- vated con- ductor.” NOT IN CINCINNATI. Mrs. Newr—" What's that, Mr. Steele?” Hex nurene Westphalia, ma‘am.” Mrs. New Well, if you've got Ve sure and have thers remove head was cut off in fluted tisstie-paper. over; but where the GREAT FINANCIERING. SO! JOHN.” exclaimed Mrs, Cumso, “1 know how to make a hune dred dollars just as easily!” “ How?" “Why, down at Madame Robes’s there's a lovely Paris dress marked down from tive hundred to four hundred dollars DECLINED WITH Vell, Baile Yes; 1 made one good resolution. —"Can you lend me a five to-day?” Sot if I'm going to keep my new resolution, Bagley.” THANKS. Bagley — I suppose you have hegun the new year right.” YE DUDELET breakethe y« He laugheth unaware ; Hut eke she breakethe hys pocket-booke, Which makethe ye matter square, A WALKING DELEGATE. Simeral (reading) "A Delaware man named John Canning boasts that he has not done a stroke of work in sixteen year Snooper —" Mx. AFTER SUNDAY-SCHOOL. Parson Witrrit you enjoy most, my deat Gertrupe—"'I thought when ‘Tommy dropped that cold penny down baby's back was the nicest. Didn't he squeal though?” “What part of the exercises did TWO VIEWS. $6 NOW that’s a fine picture, father,” point- ing to an old master in the museum. picture cost one thousand dollar Pshaw! it's nothing to brag of. “Hold on! I'm wrong.” consulting the catalogue. “The picture cost. one hundred thousand dollars.” don't say! ‘That's what I call a mighty fine picture.” IH, WHY has she such a horror Of that white shorse-standing there ? Recause she had scarlet fever And it settled in her hair. ONE WAY OUT OF IT. Father —*You wouldn't have my gray hairs go down in sorrow to the grave, would you, boy? Wayward son— Humbug’ “Not as long as there i hair-dye in existence, father.” AN ACCOMMODATING BELL-ROPE. JULAr—"* Mister ma Heah, sa ch me some clothes-pins, ‘They might be a draught through here. comicbooks.com