Judge — February 22, 1890 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UNDOUBTEDLY CORRECT. POMPOUS professor to his class in medical university “The patient, you observe, young gentlemen, has one perfect eye, whereas the other is drawn’ inward toward the nose, causing a painful obliquity of vision. In this instance you, Mr. Finkbone, may rise and tell the class what you would do.” Mr. Finkbone (alter a pause, and seriously gazing at the patient) —“I presume I would look just as cross-eyed as he does AN ARAB PROVERB REVISED. * + NEVER warm a viper in your bosom. It is far easier to do it by placing it under the pillow of an intimate friend.” THINK OF HIM AT HIS BEST.” AlAs: what changes time has made! No more we call a spade a spade, But give it some new-fangled name, Our finer feelings not to shame. Of satan still we speak ; but how? Ile's ‘poor mistaken angel " now. CAREFUL OF HIS MONEY. Lagley—* Thompson asked me this morning when I thought you would return that hundred you borrowed of him.” Bailey —" Well, he needn't ask any more. going to throw away my money. Bagley —\f you owe the man why don’t you pay him?” Bailey —" Now sce here, Bagley; you know as well as 1 do that if I gave that hundred to Thompson he'd drink it all up. Let's go in and have something.” I'm not HER LORGNETTE, A YEAR or two ago it was’ A cut-glass vinaigrette ‘That did great execution for This thorough-paced coquette. Her dainty sniffs, her languid airs Were fetching—quite—and yet, Effective as they proved, were naught To this correct lorgnette ! ‘There's none that understands so well ‘The firt’s whole alphabet ‘As she ; and so attention calls To eyes soft—violet, And with malice prepense she makes A man’s poor heart upset By deftly twirling—glancing through That swagger shell lorgnette. And so when on me turns that toy She has me in her net, And when I meet those lovely eyes I my own name forget. I love her—from her silken head To her small shoe's rosette ; nearsightedness " = And wicked shell lorgnette. A WOMAN’S REASON. OTHER AND DAUGHTER. “You should know, Fanny, that it isn’t proper for a young lady when she is out walking to turn round to look at a gentle- man.” “Yes, mamma, dear; but you see I was only looking to see whether he had turned around to look at me.” great Edison invented nt WwW The talking dolls all wondered ; Yet they've long been represented In McAllister's four hundred, T love e’en her, IN MEMORY OF SAYS CHOLLY TO HOLLY: “Say, old fel., didn’t you feel awfully when you heard old man Adam Forepaugh was gone? Says Holly to Cholly : “Yes, indeed: I thought it was the worst faur-pas he ever made in his life.” ADAM. said, I believe. Dorr oF two Lapies (hiding their respeeti do let_me pay the car-fare !" AN EVERY-DAY HAPPENING. vallets)—* Oh, please, Mr. Conductor, CONFLICTING DIRECTIONS. + © NOW, Susan, haven't I told you time and time again to eat your bread with your meat?” rue, mamma; but haven't you also told me over and over again that | must never try to-do two things at once?” MY MANICURE, OFFERED her my hand, and when she took it T felt no pang of joy my bosom thrill, Strive as I would I could not overlook it— She took it for a paltry dollar-bill DOWN ON TANKS. Husband — My dear, I've got two seats for Herr Bilby’s performance to-nigh Wife—“Herr Bilby, the famous German beer-drinker ? You know, Henry, I never did like those tank dramas.” HIS NIGHTMARE. Purtison (of Lacy's on a cold night)—*Ves, ma‘am; a yard and a half, you (Ripppe Send it?—No? C-a-a-sh!” comicbooks.com