Judge, 1890-01-04 · page 5 of 16
Judge — January 4, 1890 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This *Judge* page contains several satirical pieces about romance, poverty, and daily life: **"Her New-Year Gifts"** satirizes a wealthy woman's emotional poverty. Despite receiving material luxuries, she craves genuine affection—ideally a love note from a poor suitor who cannot afford gifts. The joke mocks both her materialism and sentimental longing. **"Home Protection"** features Mrs. Okelheimer (a Jewish immigrant character, indicated by dialect spelling), boasting that her husband Jacob "saved those signs when he failed in the fur business"—suggesting he kept business signage despite bankruptcy, implying either thrift or fraud. The humor relies on ethnic stereotyping. **"His Diary"** mocks the New Year's resolution to keep a journal. The diarist quickly abandons meaningful entries for repetitive "dittos," satirizing people's failure to maintain resolutions. **"Over-Matched"** jokes that a comedian cannot perform because audience members reading the funny paper aloud drown him out. **"January"** is sentimental poetry about winter pleasures and broken resolutions, while "One of the Guild" presents a barber's humorous observation about absent-minded customers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HER NEW- YEAR GIFTS. ]HE TOSSED them over with eager hands, Boxes, packages, large and small And then ‘mid her treasures forlorn ‘she stands ‘And. whispers, sighing, “Can this be all? What are these baubles and toys and rings When the heart is hungry for dearer things? “So poor, so proud! If he only. knew: How I hate my wealth—what a weight it seems! He might have sent me a flower or two, But of course, dear fellow, he never dreams ‘Of the pangs and heartache / feel the while T pass him by with a nod and smile, ™ Yet somehow I thought the bright new year Would bring me a message or friendly sign— Tonged so for some little token, dear, To keep forever and ever mine!" Then breathless, blushing, she sees, half hid, A sealed white letter her gifts amid. She kissed it thrice ere she smiling read * Love, what can I lay before your feet? Only my faithful heart,” he said, ~ Must T seal and send to your keeping, sweet.” “Only your heart? But your heart,” said she, “Is the dearest gift in the world, to me?" HOME PROTECTION. Mrs, OKELIEIMER (pushing from inside)—" It vos lucky Jacop safed dem signs ven he failt in der fur pishess.”* HIS DIARY. 1. AR DIARY—'Tis the first day of the year. Got up—had dinner—went to bed. You win me with your pages bright and clear; few people keep a diary, it is said. i Dear diary—Second day of January. Arose—came home to dinner, and retired. It really makes a fellow feel quite merry to write down everything that has transpired. m, Dear diary—Third day of the year, I do declare. Got up—(uhm!) ate (pshaw!) went—how hard it is to think of things to write. My diary fair, a “ditto” on each page will do the biz. TONE 1. JONRS, OVER-MATCHED. b—'*'Tain’t no use, McGuirk ; I can’t go on to-night. ER —'* What's wrong?” Epucatep ric “I'm handicapped! There's a dude out there reading the funny column in his programme, out loud. JANUARY. (@) JANUARY, month of all the year 9 When resolutions, never kept, begin; When, though intent upon avoiding sin, We falter as temptation cometh near— ‘The fleet toboggan merrily we steer, But ‘mid the exultation we are in Tt turneth upside down, and then we win ‘The small boy's plaudit mingled with his jeer. We ride in pretty sleighs on pleasant nights And feel the spell the brilliant moon doth lend ; We find in skating the delights we seek, We go around the town to see the sights ; We go to balls, yea, almost always spend ONE OF THE GUILD. The salary of the month within a week ! Nive Ric (the barber) —"As I was sayin’, some folks is so absent-minded NATHAN Mt Levy they almost forgit to breathe.” comicbooks.com