Judge, 1889 · page 46 of 72
Judge — 1889 — page 46: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from the satirical magazine *Judge* contains multiple cartoons and humorous pieces mocking social conventions: **"A Mother-in-Law"** contrasts a woman's appearance before and after becoming a mother-in-law—satirizing how wives' demands (furs, sealskin sacks, house improvements) exhaust husbands. **"Design for New Police Helmet"** shows two profile sketches of what appears to be an absurdly designed helmet, likely mocking police incompetence or bureaucratic folly. **"Love and Time"** ironically observes how romantic couples' passion fades into marital tedium over years. **"Modern Facilities Required"** jokes about Washington, D.C. political corruption: a man searching for an honest man (referencing Diogenes) is told to wait for "authorities" about "lighting the electricity"—suggesting civic infrastructure and governance are equally absurd. **"A Substantial Meal"** presents two Bowery restaurant scenes with Irish dialect humor about inedible food (a boy swallowing goldfish to force it down his stomach). The page emphasizes domestic dissatisfaction, political cynicism, and working-class hardship typical of *Judge's* satirical voice.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
BEST THINGS FROM JUDGE. A MOTHER-IN-LAW. DESIGN FOR NEW POLICE HELMET. Before and After taking Closed. Open. IT REMINDED HIM OF HOME. SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. “I'm a traveling man, and away from home a good deal of the As a rule our children are our virtues and viccs personified. time, and I tell you I appreciate the comforts of home when I The strictest mothers generally make the most indulgent grand- strike them on the road,” he said to the hotel proprietor. mothers. If you will step back with me I'll take great pleasure in intro- Better to starve upon crumbs from the king’s table than to feast ducing you to my wife and her mother. My wife wants a sealskin with brutes. . sack, the house papered, a new set of furs for her mother pug dog,” the response. Though it may boast high connections, jealousy is the most petty of all passions. “Ah, this 29a country of happy homes,” he replied as he followed the hotel man. LOVE AND TIME, When first we went together, you and I, How soon we learned how fove could ke time fly! Now years we've been together and we sigh To know and feel how time can make love fly, MAKING THE BEST OF IT. Boney (looking around the farm house garret which is to be his home during vacation) —‘* Bah! the room 1s (his chum, at the window) —‘tAh, my boy, just think what lots of room there is outside !” MODERN FACILITIES RE- QUIRED. Poticesas—‘‘ Hello, there, old > you ‘gone daft? are you doing with that lantern in broad daylight” UFSTIONABLE ON: am the e-incarnated | spiri iogen Tam looking for an honest mat Potacestax-—‘* Oh, excuse me. This is Washington, year 89. _If you'll just wait a few minutes I'll consult the authorities about light- ing the electricity.” FEORMED F | BEEF ycns3°| rch U Guest (at Bowery café)—"* Now then, waiter! Dish me up something that will stick to my ribs.” “Sure, Mr. Apottecary, an’ me boy's been afther swallyin’ a gowldfish.” id why do you carry him in that manner?” aith an’ I didn't want it to get up into his shtummuk, an'T've been thrying to shake it out iver since.” A SUBSTANTIAL MEAL. WaAtrer (spontancously)—" Double extra mucilage fer one, Jimmy !” It is impossible to go through life without more or less ex- pense to one’s temper and purse. moral shortcomings ed mere peccadilloes, while the ne faults i woman are crimes what? Her sex. A little strange, is it not? s morally no preroga- tive. Consequences are the same the world over, and Ne- mesis is impartial in her avenge- ments. With what a subtle wisdom expr the phrase ‘ How many lose equilibrium and plinge head- long, body and soul, and how few succeed in making it a mat- ter purely of rising. Things come about very strangely sometimes. There would be a good deal of hard and prolonged staring if the god- dess of wisdom were suddenly to appear on earth, and with her wand separate every molecule of right from every particle of wrong. And the least surpris would not be that felt by religious and political bodies. KATHERINE. ORONTEAN comicbooks.com