Judge, 1889 · page 29 of 72
Judge — 1889 — page 29: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from the satirical magazine **Judge** contains several short humorous pieces typical of late 19th-century American comedy: **"Her Chestnut Bell"** is a sentimental poem mocking the romantic suitor—a young man professes love through poetry and promises, but the woman rings her bell in frustration, apparently unimpressed by his courtship. **"Revenge"** depicts an immigrant ("Himmighoffer") laughing hysterically after being kicked out of a saloon, explaining to a policeman that the bartender trained a fly to catch money—which the drunk swallowed, then burped up the fly. The humor relies on ethnic stereotype dialect and crude physical comedy. **"A Boy of the Period"** contrasts a sportsman boasting about catching ability with a actual moment when he fails to catch a foul ball, which a young boy manages instead—inverting expectations for comic effect. The remaining snippets offer brief observational jokes about women, fashion, social pretense, and relationships—typical Judge content satirizing middle-class manners and gender dynamics of the era.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
BEST HER CHESTNUT BELL. SAID her eyes were heaven's biue, I said her checks were rosy hue, I said her lips were rosy, (00; T cannot tell you all I T did not know, I could not tell, Why she should ring her chestnut bell, I sang her of the violets blue, Isang her in the gloaming, too; Isang the song ‘Sweet Bye and Bye,” And “When the Swallows Homeward Fly ;” Tasked her, but she would not tell, Why she should ring her chestnut bell. I told her it was very hot, I said I felt the earthquake shock, Lasked her if she thought ‘twould rain, Hut still she sat as if in pain ; I did not know, I could not tell, 7 iy she should ring her chestnut bell. Ltold her I'd a fortune earn, And, when the leaves began to turn, T'd ask her father for her hand, ‘There was no fairer in the land; But then, oh. I remember well, How hard she thumped her chestnut bell. “ REVENCHE.” Himmighoffer stood outside of Brommer's saloon. going from one paroxysm of laughter into another and curl- ing himself up into a succession of howling knots, each one of which threatened to break him in tw Casey, the policeman, approached him,‘ Phwhat occa- sions hav’ yez fr wakin’ ivery baby in th’ bhlock ?” he said. “Holt me tighde, Mishder Gasey, pefore I pust mein selluf. I vos pounced oudder saloon! Py Chim, I dinks I die mit choy mit it! Ha, ha, ha! ho, hol he-he-he-ho!” and he actually turned purple. “© Oi doan’ sce anythin’ so dom funny t’ be kicked out av adacint hottel like thot wan,” said Casey, as he sent a curious gamin rolling across the street like a human. pin- wheel. ‘ Vot's dat?” exclaimed Himmighoffer, ‘t you don'd see noddings funny? Dot Brommer vos von ass-fool! Dot’s vots funny, mein frent. I trank me cin glass bier, unt Brommer he vos showt me he’s trained fly dot he gebt from lasd sommer. Ven | tolt him dot I mein-money lefd on der biano he mighdy kwick grabbed der bung-shdarter unt oud I vent—he-he-he-ho-ho! holt me, Misder Gasey | He don’d know dot I shwallert der fly!” A BOY OF THE PERIOD. On sport (fo stranger) —"' Talk about catching ! there isn't a man on the diamond that can do what I've done in that line. Why, I've stood behind the Lat a-taking in twirlers that would kill an ordinary man,” A moment later a terrific foul enters the grand-stand. SMALL noy—* Come back, fellys! I got her.”” THINGS FROM JUDGE, PUTTING IT IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT, In the garden. “Are you not ashamed, cousin, to kill a pretty little bird like that? “But, my dear girl, I thought it would look so well in your hat.” True, I didn’t think of that! It’s exactly the same shade of You are very kind ! IN A DEVOTIONAL MOOD. Tue susister—‘‘ As your guardian, Lucille, I must insist upon your regular attendance at devotional services.” His cua “Why, then, guardy, what makes you use such dreadfully dreadful words? You needn’t in at all. I've got a new love of a bonnet and a perfect dream of a wrap, and I'd. just as lieve go as not.” Why a ship's like a wor But this reason, perhaps, is ‘That one thing’ peculiar in conundrums are many; better than any : mother's daughter— in the water. lips off her stays when she goe “ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER.” Aust Harriet (0 her city niece)—'1 can’t see, Sylvia, why that lady next door came in a carriage to leave her card for you, after goin’ everywhere else first.” Sytvia—‘* Why, because I'm a next-door neighbor, and of course the last to be thought of. SOUND ADVICE. t—‘ Doctor, I can’t sleep nights. Wiat shall I do?” ‘*Get a position somewhere as night-watchman.” Pati SOMETHING WANTING. {ello, chappy ! all rigged out for yachting, ch?” Yaas, Got everything but the yacht.” RATHER DURABLE. Carrer-peater—" Yes, madam ; that is a fine stair carpet, and very urable.” Womax—* Will it last well?” Canret-peater—‘ Madam, fourteen carpet to a woman and she used it ten y Womax—‘‘ Then did she throw it aw Carpet-peater—‘No, madam, I should say not. years her boy has worn it for every-day pants.” d zo I sold a piece of that For the last four THE LADY WAS MISTAKEN. Mrs, Guzzteron (on the stairs)—‘* This to be coming home, John Guzzleton !” Mr. Guzzieron (consulting his watch)—‘‘ You're wrong, m’ dear. the smallest time in the whole day. Just one o'clock, *pon honor !” is a great time of night for you It's SLANDERING THE ANIMAL KINGDOM. Jones, who is an inveterate diner-out, is also a bit of « philosopher. ‘This is his latest mot:” “Thear a great deal said about the slowness that he generally arrives in time for the soup. of the turtle, but notice comicbooks.com