Judge — 1889 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BEST THINGS FROM JUDGE. SOGGLESPEIL'S CAT. IE was far from handsome on the day that little Fritzy Sogglespeil fished her b out of the culvert opening at the corner ; but a rugged stream from the hose im- proved her a bit, and when she dried out and set up a nusky purring in gratitude her good disposition hid her physical de- fects, and she was taken in member of the Sogglespeil menage by acclamation. For several days she was content to lie under the ice-chest and allow the sewer- gas to work out of her pores; but one morning while the family were at break- fast she bounded out, caught the most plethoric rat that had ever been seen in the ward, and placing it carefully at Mr. Sogglespeil’s feet retired modestly to her lair. From that day Freida, as they called her, lived the life of a pampered queen. choicest cuts of Frankfurter and the longest draughts of s ercase buttermilk was hers, and she waxed fat, but not lazy, and soon had the rats and mice feeling like } York aldermen in Montreal. At last came a day when Sogglespeil had company, and as an inexpensive and exciting entertainment he bought a large wharf rat for Freida to massacre to make a German holiday. Vait till you ged your eye on dot gat mit der rad,” he said to his wife's uncle. ‘She vill it gif der paralyze burty kewick. Let her go, Fridzy !” and Fritzy ‘let her go.” The cat made one grand bound, alighted squarely on the back of the squeaking rat, rolled her eyes back and forth a few times, turned a back summersault and tried to scratch her right-hand whiskers with her left back claw, at the same time giving vent to a plaintive “ whoop !” which Sogglespeil translated as a paan of victory. The rat came up smiling after the onslaught with an expres sion ofa doubt on his face at finding himself alive, and gazed into Freida’s face with much apparent pleasure. Once again did the cat make a bound, and this time she turned completely over, rolled a short distance, and slapped herself up against the door-casing like a wad of underdone dough. The rat, observing that he was hardly needed to add tothe features of the circus, ran between Mrs. Sogglespeil’s feet, climbed the back of grossmamma’srocking-chair and jumped out of the window, while Sogglespeil started for a Queen-Anne horse-pistol in a mortified rag id his shirt sleev He was just about to sink an artesian well in the person of his pet when he noticed a peculiar expression on her face. On looking closer he straightened up, raised his hands aloft, and as Grandma Sogglespeil left the room to get out of range, exclaimed, “Iv alow Dutch schlossenwasser ohf dot, gataind god der mumby But Freida did nofhave the mumps, for as little Fritzy crawled coyly under the table, while grandma, with much gummy mut- tering, searched anxiously for her new set of chewing apparatus, he was heard to murmur, “Heafen knows how I ged dem false toot’s out dot gat’s moud, dey vos so hard to ged in, bud, by gracks ! vos id not foon ! !'!"" ne, GOING BACK ON IT WOULDN'T WORK TWICE. and _ gents, I simply reach into this gentleman's hair, and presto ! T pull out a ten dollar bill.” suffocated! my life!” ais, Fouterre (ten minutes ater)—" Find any- thin’? ToNsoRIAL ARtist—‘ Nossir !” Me. Fi P —*Cut deeper, you dago.”” Artist— Gottim all off, sah’! Mr. Fi p—*Sail inter th’ beard an‘ we'll go snacks on what yer pan out!” Jounny BLiFFINGWELL— Molly. Me an’ Tommy we smokes 'm. that comes up through the register. | \\ Inever smelled anything like it in HIS BRAND. NEVER SAW ANYTHING LIKE IT. "re nearly Mr. Perkins—Ive seen wax-works advytised enough, an’ now here goes five cents slap-bang to see her go.” Don'tgive usaway, Dunn's stole some of | pop’s best regalias, an‘ we'se keepin’ shady till ‘Tiexp STATION AGENT—"“Blame yer, I ain’tno safe!" comicbooks.com