Judge — 1889 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BEST THINGS A DISCOURAGER OF CONVERSATION. ‘0 YOU remember as fur back as th’ siege of Petersburg, friend ?” I sized the questioner up, got a good grip on my pocket-book and cautiously answered, “Ido, but I was very young at the time.” If, then 2” ‘It's a great pity. [didn’t know but I might talk over old times with “Perhaps we can find a congenial subject,” I observed, as I let my knee \ drop so that his hand could slide off, and moved over as close as I could to the car-window. “P'raps we kin,” he said ; “ever been ter Maddygasker ?” “No.” rseen a South American dugong 's yer opinion on th’ subjec’ of the sideral astronomiutics ?” “LT don't know anything about them.” § Got any chewin’ ter! er about yer? river from Yorstiveriski.” Jumy Fiiwx— Say, Mickey Hickey, let's play dat I'm a_poli you must ask me de way to de city hall, and den I must clubde life out « Mickey Hickey--"*Naw, I Jisty Fiivy—*Oh, pshaw! yer ver want to have no fur ** How fur is it from Yonkers?” ** About ten ohms.” He was beginning to wilt a little, and I followed up my advantage. “T've read something about Petersburg,” I “ Did you fight in Charlemagne'’s division ?” “Whose? “Charlemagn: 's so long ago I most forgit, but ‘s near as Lkin remember my tgineral was named Smith.” “Was he monocotyledonously inclined, or did he favor a pological eseterotism in his manner of conducting the campaig ‘‘ Look here, stranger, one or th’ other of us is a nat'ral fool,” broke out, ‘‘an’ I'm puffectly willin’ ter take th’ benefit of the doubt an’ shut up. What d’ yer say >” I said, and the train rolled on, AN EYE TO BUSINESS. A couple of burglars had just ransacked a lawyer's house. legal light was aroused by the midnight marauders, they were about to leave his room he handed them a “My card,” he said. want counsel.” The and just as teboard. “Tf you are caught by the police you may FROM JUDGE. BLIGHTED HOPE. é HIS LAST CHANCE. “It seems to me,” said a mother to ayoung girl who was about to be married, ‘that your future husband is a little too nts this, that and the other; I consider him a mma, we an afford to indulge him for once. Let him have his way now uu know ‘twill be the last time. THE SPIRIT'S QUESTION. “Tam the shade of thy deceased husband,” said the ghost at midnight, ‘‘and I want to know whose picture that is that three y death hangs in the parlor. Who is the homely- looking politician ?” “Why,” gasped the widow, daughter has taken drawi the oe The spirit sighed and faded. that is a picture of you—your lessons for two weeks and that is THE HOBOKEN PIGEON SHOOT. Scunerrzex —‘ Now, Wilhelm, when dot snoozer pulls de cord, tickle me unter de ribs so I laugh unt maig de shod scagdder.” comicbooks.com