Judge — December 1889 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

KINCAID’S SOUVENIR. OWEN KINCAID, an attaché of the department of public works, had endeared himself to the hearts of the Queen's Terrors Co- terie, of which he was an honored member, and it was proposed at a secret mecting called at Cahann’s junk-shop to part with a dollar apiece all around, and after deduct- ing a “kitty” for the beer for the ceremony to devote the sum to the purchase of a fitting testimonial for the enrichment and behoof of their associate. At the informal meet- ing a week before Christmas young Jerry McBride of Cherry Street took the chair—or rather the shank of an old anchor—and opened the ball by saying that he'd missed a chance to mect a prominent bridge-jumper to be on hand; but, much as he enjoyed association with the great, he did not regret the lost opportunity when he could be of service to old Owen Kincaid. “ Owney’s white; dat’s what Ae is,” he observed as he packed a seam with Dry Dock tobacco, an’ wese fellys wants t’ blow him clean ‘way up high; dat’s what wese wants t' do. Collins passes der dicer, an’ chip, yez tarriers! chip till yez fills it; an’ while yez 's doin’ it jist remember dat Owney's d’ man dat never let a copper take it easy whin a brick was handy. Chip now, hard!" After the hat went around it was found that twenty- seven dollars had been realized, and young Jerry pro- posed going right out and buying a clock at Caffery’s pawn-emporium. “Hould an!” came a deep north-of-Ireland voice from the back of the council-shop. “Owen Kincaid an’ me wor bor-rn th’ sem day, waned th’ sem mont’, an’ kem over an th’ sem ship. It’s me thot knows th’ likin’s av him betther than anny phippershnopper av a dock-rat bechune me an’ Tim Deasy jist there, an’ if it’s th’ sinse av th’ matin’ Oi'll tek the shtamps an’ pur-rchase a Christmis prisint thot'll do th’ ould man good t’ pit his eyes an phin he sees it, so Oi will.” A howl went up at this, and some of the younger members were for putting the speaker out; but matters were quieted, and calm deliberation determined that Cornelius Lacey's suggestion should be acted on. The amount of the subscription was handed to him, with instructions to obtain some appropriate article of orna- ment or utility, and to have the same on hand at the A VAGUE IDEA OF DISTANCES. Aunt Sarant (as the steamer leaves the pier)—"* Now, 'Manthy, you keep holt of the end, an’ I'll unwind ; an’ when you git acrost, give two jerks, so 's T'll know you've arri CHRISTMAS JUDGE Mr. GALLISON (with a long-drawn sigh)—'‘* Cut d’ rope !" Coteric hall on Christmas eve. That date came, and at eight o'clock the whole organization, with its honorary female members, were waiting patiently in the rooms over Grady’s saloon, At cight-thirty Owen Kincaid, escorted by a committee of three, came in and took a seat on the platform, and without del Mr, Lacey arose and fired his speech of welcome, which he had carefully prepared. It took him nearly an hour to get through, and in the meantime the eyes of the audience were glued on an object at the rear of the platform which, covered with a green flag, looked, in outline, like an immense ice-cream freezer. “It's a monnyment they’s givin’ him,” and “Sure Owney’s th’ h bye,” were the murmurs; and when finally Lacey concluded with “Yez all know Mishther Kincaid, an’ th’ stren’th he has, and yez'll be glad whin yez see phwhat th’ fri‘nds an’ conshtituints av him is afther buyin’,” every neck was craned to get a glimpse of the object, whatever it might be. Slowly moving over to the stand and grasping the covering flag, he continued, “Oi hod it med t’ ordher, an’ Mishther Kincaid may know phin he uses it that he has th’ foinest an’ the best brass-mounted an’ tin poun’ th’ hiviest cobble-shtone t'umper in N’ Yark city.” Mr. Kincaid made no’ speech of gratitude, and Jerry McBride took Cornelius Lacey outside and fell on him, hip, thigh and brogans. 3,5. ST ! TOO MUCH TO ASK. Yow I's got yo' whar I wants yo'! Do I git yo" gal’s han’ in marr’ge?” Yo does, chile, "f yo" luff me out o' this.” Do T git equal podinership in yo’ kals'mine bizness 7" yo! does, mah son ; yo" does.” Do I git a tip on all yo reg'lar policy numbers 2" CHRISTMAS CUSTOMS. TH E SMALL BOYS make it a point to attend Sunday-school in force. Nosopy notices the old maid when she gets under the mistletoe, THE school-teacher spares the rod from about the 1st of December until the holidays are over. LITTLE JOHNNIE alw: in the head of his new drum. UNCLE 'Rastus feels in honor bound to pay a nocturnal visit to the hen-houses of all his neighbors. ‘THE married man has not only to pay for the present he gives his better-half, but for the one his wife gives him. SANTA CLaus is almost as blind as his little friend Cupi old man seldom sees the chimneys of the poor. A po which was given a collar and chain and tied up all day and night failed to appreciate his Christmas present. ‘THE mistletoe is always hung up on the chandelier because it is not necessary to have any out on the stairs or in other dark places. THE tin soldiers the small boy gets are more bloodthirsty than they look. When they fight they show no quarter, and it isn’t long before the whole army is annihilated. s makes a noise, even though it puts a hole The comicbooks.com