Judge — December 1889 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LL YOU, gentl’'men, I come from a mighty cu'rus fambly, It wuz this a'way. My mother she died when I wuz a youngster, an’ my dad married ag‘in, capturin’ a widder woman with one son. That made two sets of us. Then they struggled along fer a year ‘r two, an’ ‘tween 'm they had a youngster named Joshua, who kinder jined th’ int'rests an’ made us all feel sorter homelike an’ comf'table. 1 kin sce th’ old folks a settin’ in front of th’ big open fire, Mother Dipkin a knittin’ an’ ol’ dad a smokin’ his corn-cob, while we kids played farmin’ out on th’ green carpet in th’ front entry an’ fit over our craps an’ paper-pig killin’ THE CHRISTMAS CODE. S T. NICK is no relation to Old Ni THE greedy little boy often finds himself too sick to eat on Christmas, NEVER count your chickens until you have them cooked on the table, SANTA CLAUS never ties a knot in a stocking until he is nearly broke. No matter how old you are, if you eat too much mince pie you are sure to see Santa Claus. It often happens that the good boy doesn’t get any more in his stocking than if he had been bad. Ir is no longer considered just for the “cheerful” giver to put the best things in the top of the stocking. t cru'lty ¢' animals.” TOLD IN THE VILLAGE STORE. A PUBLIC-SPIRITED CITIZEN. Mr. Freeporn—‘‘A man dat'll keep a chick’n laik dat, orter hab d’ law on 'm. “Stead ob liftin’ d’ pore skel'ton, I'll go down 'n complain t’ d’ sassiety ob precaution jest as nat'ral as you fellers do now. Bimeby one of us would git stepped on 'r suthin’, an’ jest after th’ yowl dad would say, kinder quiet-like, “ Marthy, that one’s mine.” Then in a minute or two another screech would go up, an’ Mother Dipkin she'd say, “Father, that’s mine.” Lastly, after waitin’ a while, they'd come a sorter squeak, jest like a runt pig, an’ they'd both jump up an’ come to us with a “That's ours” you could hear a mile. I tell you, gents, they’s nothin’ like three of a kind in a different suit t' make things interestin’ t’ home. G. A MAN who catches a pretty girl under the mistletoe and fails to kiss her should not be given another chance. WHEN a man with a fat pocket-book fails to cut out his impecunious rival at Christmas he may as well give up all thoughts of the girl. ‘THE mistletoe is useful only the first time. After the ice is broken the young man who won't kiss a girl unless he finds her under its blissful shadow has flies on hi SOMETHING WRONG. Clerk (toemployer)—" Vthink there must be something wrong with young Bogley's accounts.” Employer— Great heavens! what makes you think so?” Clerk—" Because he didn’t give his wife a sealskin sack for Christmas.”