Judge — December 14, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE ENTERPRISING REPORTER. “Suppose,” said the city editor to the young man with checked trousers who applied for a situation as a Teporter, “you go out and write up an account of this funeral.” The new reporter started forth, and in the course of time handed in the following : : “The funeral of Mr. Silas Jones was a grand but solemn affair. There was a,profusion of flowers from Briggs, the florist, and any quantity of rich mourning dresses, most of which were from Smith & Co.'s. drys goods Store. The long, sombre procession composed of carriages from Robinson's livery stable, headed by the hearse belonging to Jenkins, the undertaker in charge, moved toward the last resting-place over the smooth road that had so recently been re-graded by Brown & Sons, contractors. ‘The ceremony in the cemetery was impressive and in every way’satisfactory.” The report was very much garbled by the city editor, but the reporter is wearing flowers, receiving boxes from Smith & Co., and taking frequent carriage rides, just the same.—Merchant Traveler, When Baby was sick, wo gave her Castoria, When she was a Child, sho cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, sho clung to Castoria When sho had Children, she gave them Castoria JUST DO YOUR BEST. The sign is bad when folks commence A-findin’ fault with Providence ‘And balkin’ cause the earth don't shake At ev'ry prancin’ step they take. No man is great till he can see ww less than little he would be Ef stripped to self, and stark and bare, * He hung his sign out anywhere. My doctern is to lay Contentions and be satisfied ; Just do your best, and praise er blame That foilers that counts just, the same. I've allus noticed great success * Is mixed with troubles, more or less. And it's the man who does the best ‘That gits more kicks than all the rest. James W. Kiley. Impure water, the cause of so much ill health, is made harmless by adding a little Angostura Bitters. Manu- factured by Dr. J. G. 1. Siegert & Sons, At all druggists. A cabin-boy on board a ship, the captain of which was a very religious man, was called up to be whipped for some misdemeanor. " Little Jack went crying and trembling to the captain, "said he, ** will you wait till T say my pases? “Yes,” was the stern reply.‘ Well, then,” replied little Jack, looking up triumphantly, ‘I'll say them when I get ashore !"—Wew sey Mirror, HC, C. SHAYNE, MANUFACTURER OF Sealskin Garments Leading Fashiqnable Furs, WHOLESALE and RETAIL. Specialty made of Gentlemen's Fur-Lined Overcoats, Caps, Gloves, and Steigh Robes. 194 West 42d Street and 105 Prince Street, NEW YORK, FASHION BOOK MAILED FREE. THE CELEBRATED des rot Not Porn Popular and Rea Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St. MY. SOHMER & CO, wiapmirnta, Pa, 1318 Chestnut Street ; Ciicaco, Tt., 236 State Sureet ; Saw Francisco, Cat., Union Club Building: $¥- Lovis, Mo., 1522 Olive Street; Kansas City, Mo., 1129 Main St CARL PRETZEL’S PHILOSOPHY. Der great succeed of a sinner vas deceetful like der Dhere don'd vas a shtreet in dis life but vat vas filled mit misfordunes und disabbointments. Der brincible of integridy vhich shteers a goot feller vas blaindy goot vays {rom oxcloodin’ proodence in his conduct of life. Mrs. Winsiow's Sorina Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhra, 25 cents a bottle. HAT FLIRTATION MEANING, Wearing the hat squarely on the head signifies, ‘I love you madly.” Other styles of using the hat have these meanings: Tipping it over the right ear—My little brother has the measles. Pulling it over the eyes—You must not recognize me, Wearing it over the back of the head—Ta, ta; aw- fully awful, ‘Taking it off and brushing it the wrong way—My heart is busted. Holding it out in the right hand—Lend me a quarter. (ail S2¥ing it wi your uncle—Have been to a church air. ‘Throwifgiit to a policeman—I love your sister. Using it as a fan—Come and see my aunt. Carrying a brick in it—Your cruelty is killing me. V‘eking it up-stairs—Is the old man around? 1g it down-stairs—Where is your mother? Kicking it across the street—I am engaged. Hanging it on the right elbow—Will call to-night. Hanging it on the left elbow—Am badly left. Putting it on the ground and sitting on it—Farewell forever.— Hatter and Furrier, “CABINET SEKT, GERMAN CHAMPAGNE” Is the purest and best in the world—a select wine of the aristocracy. Depot, 87 Wall street. INGIN SUMMER. Natur’, the good ol’ schoolmarm, who pities our distress, She gives her child’en ever’ yeara litde lad recess ; An’ ol’ gray-headed boys an’ girls, they feel their hearts thaw out, An’ life flows on as music’ y as water from a spout, An’ now the Ingin summer time, ‘ith all its rest, is here, A piece of sweet-meat stuck between the slices of the year, A sorter reign er jubilee ‘twixt sun an’ thunder-showers ; A chunk er sweetness sandwiched in between the frost and flowers, The prince of the power of the air goes off on his vacation, The devil jest holds up a spell an’ stops his aggervation ; ‘An’ natur’ an’ the heart er man, unriled by heat or flood, ‘They jest lay back an’ hol’ their breath, an’ feel that God is good. Now w'en we breathe we jest take in great gulps er happiness, We drink the air, like apple-juice, from natur’s cider- press ; It jest comes tricklin’ down thro’ space from heaven's great vats above, An’ fills our lungs ‘ith ‘oxygin, an’ slops our souls ‘ith love! I love my neighbor like myself, this Ingin summer day, I feel it’s glorious to live, for life is all O. Natur’, the good ol’ schoolmarm, who pities our distress, She gives her child’en ever’ year this little glad recess. 5.17. boss in the Vantec Blade, SIMPLY PERFECT. The Union Pacific Railway, "' The Overland Route,” has equipped its trains with’ dining-cars of the latest pattern, and on and after August 18th the patrons of ts fast trains between Council Bluffs and Denver, and between Council Bluffs and Portland, Ore., will be pro- vided with delicious meals, the best the market affords, perfectly served, at seventy-five cents each. Pullman's Palace Car Co, will have charge of the service on these cars, Frosts are generally dew before they come.—Cloth- ier's Monthly. When a woman takes down her back hair it is likely to be a case of switch off. Exchange, The man who gets stalled in politics is likely to be stuck in mud that is mighty deep and mighty Exchange. int Pat: edanngoue DgCs| sce DEES YOUMANS ELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. CHERRY, pent Ne Toiet powDER &SOAP NONE NICER $n the Migh Court of Festice—comell v. Durrant —On Jan. 28, last, Mr Justice Caitty granted a Perpetual Injunction with coats TENN Sua duet co ren vee PREMIERE QUALITE CIGARETTE. ury, and not a low-priced article. Our Vanity 16 First-prize Medals. SUPERB ARTICLE. The standard of purity and excellence. tobaccos prevents that dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands. L prejudice to prevent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a trial. The faultless union of two matchless Do not allow Tt is simply perfection, and a lux- ‘air and other smoking mistures are the finest for the pipe. Wm. S. KIMBALL & Co. comicbooks.com