Judge — December 7, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 145 JOSH BILLINGS'S PHILOSOPHY. -| ° THADDEUS STEVENS’ AND HIS RED WIG. It is hard to make the ice-man see the error of his Grate iniquitys ‘seem to baptize themself. If the | _ Colonel Thomas, one time member of congress, was in | Wtigh.—Aferchant Traveler. devil had only been guilty of petty larceny he wouldn't | the city this week, and among tales of the old days told ee hay bin heard ov agin the following about Thaddeus Steven: Before a tailor can collect his bills he has to sew for Human happiness iz like the Hottentot language; | ‘* Thaddeus Stevens was sitting in his office one day | them.—Grorgetown Courier. ennybody kan talk it well enaff, but thare ain't but | with a few friends when in walked an old lady wearing Seen STEP RS Won 4 | phew kan understand it. a poke-bonnet, blue goggles, and carrying a green alpaca 5 How menny men thare are who argy just az a bull | umbrella, She looked around the room as if in search ) duz chained tew a post ; they beller and paw, but they | of some one, and then said solemnly : e O a kant git away from the post. “*Can you tell me where to find Thaddeus Stevens, e Az in a game ov cards, so iz the game ov life, We | the apostle of liberty?” must play what iz dealt tew us, and the glory consists “Old Thad blushed not so much in winning as in playing a poor hand well. | ‘** I'm Thaddeus Stevens,’ he replied shortly. “*Are you Thaddé-e-us Stevens, the apostle of “You press | = = liberty? the button, hen Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria “**T reckon Lam, ma'am.” When ahe was a Child, she eried for Castoria. “<The old lady dropped her parasol, made a rush to- we do the \ When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria. Adegateptae to kiss him, and when he held her off, vest ” | When she had Children, ake gave them Oastoria ‘I came from Bucks county to see Thadde-e-us 2 ——=——— = Stevens, the apostle of liberty, and to take home with me a lock of his hair.’ “The apostle of liberty took off his red wig, handed THE ONLY CAMERA MARTIN HANNIGAN'S AUNT. THAT ANYBODY CAN “Here's a health to Martin Hannigan’s aunt, it to her, and sai =, USE WITHOUT IN- i And I'll tell you the reason why— “* There it is, ma'am, Take as much as you want. PRICE, $26.00. STRUCTION. (| She ates bekase she's hungry, —New York Tribune. Loaded fot 100 Pictures, ' And she dhrinks bekase she’s dhry ; ee For sale by all Photo, Stock Dealers. Heke eset man BERTON “SEC” CHAMPAGNE. Send for copy of Kodak Primer, with sample Martin Hannigan's aunt would cry, Case one dozen bottles, $30.00, net. Case two dozen | Photogratph. *Arrah, fill up your glass half-bottles, $32.00, net. | The Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co., i And let the toast pass ! BESS How d'ye know but your neighbor is dhry = 5 ROCHESTER, N. Y. aie fae wee: ‘ TO DAPHNE. | “« Martin Hannigan’s aunt has a ginerous heart, Ott haved bul opposing Wine ie tout And she never as known to y,; Nor trembled when igaiast heavy odds I've battled ; ‘And the rason she gave for dhrinkin’ s0 by But only let me see thy red lips pout 1 Was that ‘grief an’ sorrow was dhry Der tid eet canted | Sure the landlord so civil E 8 | Has ordered a divil On the table immagenttlie ; So fill up your glass And let the toast pass ; How d'ye know but your neighbor is dhry?” — Saturday Revie rave I've oft been full on rich Falernian wine Cooled with crisp snow from huge Olympian crag ; But only let your eyes gaze into mine, T'll have a jag. Bid me do aught—but smile on me the while— T'll brave the fates or ope the Gordian loop ; But do not shake me, Daphne, sweet, or I'll Be in the soup, —Waskington Post, | fy Angostura Bitters cures colic, fever and ague, and in- | digestion. The genuine manufactured only by Dr. J. % 3. B. Siegert & Sons, All druggists keep them. Sanaa en spat = is Mrs, Wixstow's SoorHinc Syrur for Children ‘Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays A Burlington man calls his dog Cork” because his | all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhoa, 25 cents a bark is so light.—Des Moines Register. bottle. | A MODERN BUY-RONIC. ‘The waiter-gitl is different from a poet. She is not Maid of Oshkosh, ere I go, born; she is maid to order.— Iashing/on Capital. y ‘Tell me what I want to know ! a es Does your father still declare 1 can never be his heir ? Have you used) ear my vow before 1 get— I'll be even with him yet Packer’s Tar Soap Uy those tresses bleached tg And those bangs in tin-foil rolled ; for the Complexion 1 yall eca or Shampooing ? Tit be ever with h y the aid which he might lend, 0M So— . though. Its use is a luxury; imparting clear, soft, smooth, | y his cash I'd like to spend, healthful skin and vigorous hair; cures Dandruff and y the joy which he could crowd Skin Diseases ; prevents Chapping. 25 cents. All Upon one who's poor but proud, Draggist, ‘Tell him that [ make my brags & . | Tl be even with his jags, £@-For sample mention Judge, and send 4 stamps to Tue Packer M'r’c Co., 100 Fulton NEY? | Maid of Oshkosh, T must flee, | For another waits for me. | I shall wed your rival, sweet, THE CELEBRATED Who resides across the street. When her wealth secure I've got, ‘Then I'll show him what is what —Chicago Herald, PIANOS CELEBRATED HATS. 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