Judge — October 26, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 45 WHAT A WOMAN CAN DO. She can say no” “yes,” She can do more in a minute than a man can do in an hour, and do it better. Six of them can talk at once and get along first-rate, and no two men can do that. ‘She can sharpen a lead-pencil if you give her plenty of time and plenty of pencils. She can throw a stone with a curve that would be a fortune to a base-ball pitch She can safely stick fifty pins in her dress while he is getting one under his thumb-nail. She can appreciate a kiss from her husband seventy years after the marriage ceremony is performed. She can dance all night in a pair of shoes two sizes too small for her and enjoy every minute of the time. She can come to a conclusion without the slightest trouble of reasoning on it, and no sane man can do that. She can walk half the night with a colicky baby in her arms without once expressing the desire of murder- ing the infant. She is cool:as a cucumber in a half-dozen tight dresses and skirts, while a man will sweat and fume and growl in one loose shirt. She can talk as sweet as peaches-and-cream to the woman she hates, while two men would be punching each other's heads before they had exchanged ten words. She can go to church and afterward tell you what every woman in the congregation had on, and in some rare instances can give you some faint idea of what the text was, She can drive a man crazy in twenty-four hours and then bring him to paradise in two seconds by simply tickling him under the chin, and there does not live that mortal son of Adam's misery who can do it,—Bos- ton Times, in such a low voice that it means When Baby was sick, wo gave her Castoria, When sho was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria, When she had Children, she gave them Castoria Europe is basely ungrateful in pretending to believe that America should have remained undiscovered. What would Europe have done with its paupers and criminals had ‘they not been shipped to Columbla?— Courier. Journa When you feel a general lassitude and breaking down of the system, Angostura Bitters will work a wonderful change. Dr. J. G. B, Siegerts & Sons, manufacturers, At all druggists. Now across the backyard gate Sounds the old domestic yell, As Ophelia calls to Kate, ‘an't you make your jelly jell?" — Springfield Homestead, “ DANDRUFF is the | most frequent cause of prema- ture BALDNESS.” ITCHING ispeace-de. stroying and exhausting to the vital powers, and breeds pro- S fanity.” SCRATCHING islike paying a debt with a note, SHAMPOOING with PACKER’S TAR SOAP ism hygienic luxury, promoting a clear, smooth skin, healthful scalp, and vigorous hai incident to summer. so cents, stamps. . Tavaluable for irritations of the skin Scents, Druggists, Sample (i cake), Mention Juvce. THE PACKER MFG. CO., 100 Fulton 8t., N. ¥. YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. Barker BranoCoitars Bors Siots Use ‘\ refined and modest-looking miss loaded down with bundles,” says the Philadelphia Xecord, ‘ emerged from the Broad.street station and wearily took a seat in the corner of a Market-street car yesterday. The car had hardly started when the other riders were startled by a voice from the corner occupied by the quiet-looking miss, ‘I just feel like h—l,’ it said. Amid her con- fusion the young lady succeeded in clearing up matters and relieving herself of a terrible suspicion by tearing the wrapper from one of the bundles and displaying a parrot in a cage BERTON “SEC” CHAMPAGNE, Case one dozen bottles, $30.00, net. half-bottles, $32.00, net. Case two dozen THE CITY CHOIR. Father an’ me are gettin’ old We ain't used to the wai Of goin’ to hear the singin’, ‘stead Of preachin’, Sabbath day. So when we was with Andrew's folks, An’ Sunday mornin’ come, We s'posed we'd hear the word an’ jine In the sweet hymns they sung. An’ when we stood in that dim aisle, "Neath arched an’ fluted stone, A ray of light touched father's hair An’ his worn features shone. ‘The organ's grand an’ solemn tone Jest sounded like a prayer, An” when it stopped I seemed to feel Wings beatin’ through the air. “The prod gal,” the preacher said, sinnin” weary grown, Has left the swine an’ now has turned His face towards his home.” Then all at once the choir riz; Tt almost made me laugh ‘To hear that young sopran: “Bring in the fatted calf!" shriek, “Bring in the fatted calf, the calf,” Implored the alto low, An’ all the rest jined in, ‘as if They couldn't let it go. ‘The tenor’s pleadin’ touched my heart ; A critter'd been a stone Not to hev come a friskin’ in In answer to that tone. Waal, pa, he sot with eyebrows bent. Like bushes touched with snow A-growin’ round some sheeny lake, Half hidin’ its blue glow. But when the bass had started in A callin’ for that calf, He jist reached fur his han’kerchief ‘To cover up a laugh. “Bring in the fatted, fatted calf,” Bellowed the bass ; an" stars ! Our grandson John called (half “Grandpa, let down the bars —Grace'D, Roe in Chicago Inter-Ocean, sleep) : Mrs, Winstow's Sootutnc Syrup for Children ‘Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhara, "25 cents a bottle. THE PESSIMIST. The Best Definition Yet Given, I would not be a beastly bee If all the world were given me. I would not be a bear or bull If down on Wall street I'd a pull. I would not be a cow or sheep, A hen, or dormouse, fast asleep. 1 would not be a dog or cat, An elephant, a duck or rat, And if I followed out my plan T would not even be a man. In truth, if I were wholly free To choose my lot, I wouldn't be. James Davis in the Commercial Advertiser, “The Italian who runs the peanut-stand at the corner of Woodward avenue and Congress street,” says the De- troit Free Press, ‘was turning his peanut-roaster the other aftemoon with slow and measured hand when an old women came to a halt and carefully observed the ration, After scrutinizing the roaster from every side she finally gave it up and remarked: ‘No, sir; you don’t get a cent out of me for such music as’that. Why, I can't catch half of any of the tunes, and it smells as if something was burning inside. The Kodak. “Vou press the button, we do the rest.” THE OWLY CAMERA THAT ANYBODY CAN price lg75.00 USE WITHOUT IN- Leadal if ao Pitares, STRUCTION. For sale by all Photo, Stock Dealers. Send for copy of Kodak Primer, with sample photograph, The Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co., ROCHESTER, N. Y. THE CELEBRATED jealsiaet eat pura elon Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St., N.Y. SOHMER & CO., Prataperrnia, Pa., 1318 Chestnut Street ; Cuicaco, af State Street ; Sax Francisco, Cat., Union ‘Club Building; Sr. Lovis, Mo., i523 Olive Street’; Kansas City, Mo, 1123 Main St SRAY BLOSSO x. On Jan. geo er Povmel 3. Durant On, eet 2, He iat tee PREMIERE. cute CIGARETTE. A ury, and not a low-priced article. SUPERB ARTICLE. The standard of purity and excellence. The faultless union of two matchless tobaccos prevents that dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands. prejudice to prevent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a trial. Do not allow It is simply perfection, and a lux- Our Vanity Fair and other smoking mixtures are the finest for the pipe. 16 First-prize Medals. Wu, S. KIMBALL & Co. comicbooks.com