Judge — October 26, 1889 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Cab-hire is high, but art is precious, Benvenuto.” TRULY WONDERFUL. ROUND the stove in a country A st “Well, talkin’ about yer old people, my Aunt Susan didn’t see fit to hand in her chips till she was ninety-eight.” “Oh, that was nothin’ to my uncle ; he didn’t die till he was a hundred and two.” “Well, boys, my grandfather and grandmother did better even than that.” Omnes—" How old were they “Why, they didn’t die at all. SURE OF HIS GROUND. . “Art is low, and so are horses, Angelo!” Fleecy —"'The dream of love is past. My wife is getting more distant day by day. She has lost all for the posit ‘The sudden stop. SY AS LYING, A RURAL schoolmaster, the would- be wiseacre of the neighborhood, was relating in a country store the legend of St. Denis to a group of open-mouthed tillers of the soil. “But if his hands were tied how could he pick up his head?" asked one doubting Thomas. “Why, with his teeth, to be sure, numbskull!” was the pedagogue's crushing rejoinder. AN AUTHORITY. Colored man—I'd like to apply n of editor of the racing-tip department of this paper.” interest in me. Editor —* What do you know about tips?” Poor fellow! But are you sure?” blow me 9} WANTED PARTICULARS. Wiss Ethel" Poor Clara! I'm so sorry for her. You knew that she had lost her-sister, didn’t you Young Fitzherbert (absently) - ‘o; [ hadn't heard about it Where did she lose her?" A POPULAR PLACE, Gentleman (to French chef who. has just had his hair shingled) — “Why, Frangois, where bas your hair gone? Chef (who has. picked up a little American slang) Into ze soup. WHAT, INDEED? OME one was saying be- fore Jones that the best method of restoring those who had been frozen was to roll them in the snow. “That may do well enough in winter-time, but w goin’ to do in summe there ain't no snow?” com- mented that cheerful idiot PURCHASING AN AILMENT. Actress —" Doctor, | don't feel as if L could possibly go on the st Doctor —" What, madam, seems to be the matter with you?” UNDER A BAN. Actress —" Oh, I don’t care CLARENCR—"T was never so insulted in me life. much, doctor, Give me the hung his coat right on me nose. Wiiiek — Why don’t you thrash him?" worst ailment you can for a y : hundred dollars.” things if he don’t du: HER HEAD WAS LEVEL. ‘S\JHAT induced a married woman of your standing,” said the newspaper reporter, “to leave such a charming family and elope?” “Because,” sobbed the wretched creature, ““I had never had a com- Colored man—"X good deal, sir; 1 was head-waiter in a Long ertainly | am. She doesn’t care cnough about me to Branch hotel all last summer.” HER PAR VALUE. Sol Tingle—"\ was told to-day that that lovely Miss Perkins was worth more than fifty thousand in her own right.” Fidus Achates —"Humph! That's nothing to her pa value.” pliment in my life and I knew if 1 did something atrocious all the papers would s: that I was handsome and attractive.” EGOTISM. Bootblack — Shine, sir?” Actor (egotistically) —*Well, I should say I do.” A NEW BRAND. oysters, waiter. Waiter — Saddle - rocks, sir?” New bridegroom —"Ex— no, waiter; bridal-rock DORE ECLIPSED. Boston girl—" What ter- ible scenes Doré has pi ured for Dante's ‘Inferno.’ Smythe (a traveling man) ‘That old pawty came along and “Yes, indeed; but you ought to be in Troy some Chanescr —" Can't, boy ; he’s me tailor, and I have to let him do these li day when they are holding a labor-picnic.” comicbooks.com