Judge, 1889-08-31 · page 6 of 16
Judge — August 31, 1889 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains multiple satirical pieces mocking American social pretensions and courtly behavior of the Victorian/Edwardian era. **"Familiar Dialogues"** satirizes fashionable summer girls who casually recount injuries (black eyes, sprains, scraped jaws) sustained during leisure activities, treating them as charming inconveniences rather than serious matters. The humor mocks both their frivolity and the romanticization of mishaps. **"Court Etiquette"** ridicules Americans abroad attempting to navigate British royal protocol. The absurdist "rules" (like not whistling "John Brown's Body" or buying the queen's portrait at a store) mock both American ignorance of proper conduct and the pretentiousness of European aristocratic customs themselves. **"Looking a Gift-Horse"** features an Irishman (indicated by dialect) complaining that a gift horse has thorns—visual humor about ungracious gift-receiving. **"Misuse of a Weapon"** shows children unsafely playing with what appears to be a gun or dangerous toy. The page exemplifies *Judge's* satirical approach: mocking American social climbers, foreign affectation, and class pretensions through exaggeration and wordplay.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
334 EXTRACT FROM “FA- MILIAR DIALOGUES.” First summer-girl—' Have a nice time at the picnic yester= day?” Second summersgirl— Oh, just too lovely for anything f" First $.¢—" But what's the matter with your eye? It’s all black and blue.” Second s. g.—"Ob, that's where Nan hit me with the ball when we were playing catch.” First s.g.—* Just hand me will you? Why, what ails you?” Second 8, g.—"Oh, I for got; I fell out of the swing and doubled this arm up under me, and it hurts to straighten it out.” cious! your little finger’s big as two,” x Seconds. g.—*Oh, that's ‘ “ when I caught the ball. No other girl could once.” Firsts. g—*Where you going? Why, how you limp!” Second s. g—"1 stepped on a stone and sprained my ankle yesterday, and it was just too sweet the way Charley helped me along—ouch Firsts, g—*What on earth you got on your neck in such a me this roses; me jaw is scraped aff me wid Second s,s. First bluing-wate Second s. g.—"Oh, that’s my new chambrey; Tom Romper spilled lemonade all over it. He’s so funny. I'd like to have you come over to tea to-morrow.”” . 1 can’t possibly. I'm going to Dick Gallup's pic- What's that on the bed? Looks like soap-suds and nic at Roaring rare COURT ETIQUETTE. (FOR THE WENKEIT OF THOSE WHO ARK ABROAD THIS SEASON.) For men. HEN you back out of the royal presence be careful not to trip and fall. If the queen gives you her hand to kiss do not offer to wish her rings on. Make no allusion to her crown, no matter if it is crooked. LOOKING A GIFT-HORSE IN THE MOUTH. McCarFERy (who is convalescent) —"' It's extramely kind of thim Rooneys t’ be sindin’ igant remimbrance, Kathie, but begob ! Oi wish they'd cut th’ thor-mns aff thim “That? Oh, nothing but mosquito-bites and vaseline.” . Do hot address the queen iri Indian; for she cannot under- stand it, even if she is empress of India. If the queen asks after the president reply that he is well. This is one of the court rules. Do not attempt to get up a flirtation with any of the maids of honor. It is not considered polite to whistle “John Brown's Body” while you are waiting to be presented, Never say “Halloa” to a prince, for they are generally too stuck-up to notice you, and it is only a waste of breath. If a duchess happens to drop a rose from her bouquet and you pick it up do not offer to return it. Smuggle it out of sight and keep it as a me- ‘ mento. a g It is the proper thing to go in uniform if you have one, but last year’s campaign uni- form is not exactly the thing to wear. Be sure to ask after the Battenberg baby. Such delicate allusions will please the queen. Do not offer to exchange photographs with the queen, You can buy her majesty’s portrait at any store for a shilling. When asking the lord high chamberlain for an introduction alw accompany your request with a stamp for reply. If you have read any of the queen's books never mention the fact to the family. They are rather sensitive on that point. Do not whisper to the prince of Wales that you saw some larger whales than he while on the ocean, Lastly—Be sure that you see all the American correspondents after you have been presented and acquaint them with the fact. FROM THE NEW “ JUDGE” DICTIONARY. Pen—A small steel dart that has been poisoned with ink. Cremation—Insuring against fire. COULDN’T FINISH HIS SENTENCE. Convict —" You have been very good to me for the past few months and I can’t sufficiently thank you. 1”. Visitor — Well, why don't you finish your sentenc Convict —"1 can’t, sir; I've two more years to serv THE MISUSE OF A WEAPON. ive him yure cudgel t' play wid, Mister Dimpsey. Tur xurse— ' Sure he'll do it no har-rm,’ Her cHARGE—"'T think we'd better go now, Mary Ann, Mamma might object if we staid out any longer.” comicbooks.com