Judge — August 31, 1889 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SEASONABLE EMPLOYMENT. REMEMBER it well ; ‘twas a sweltering day. As I stood in the shadiest nook on Broadway, Wielding a palm-leaf with telling effect— My shirt-bosom wilted and collar quite wrecked — 1 spied, coming toward me across {rom the square, ‘A man closely shaven, with long fowing hair ; "Twas an actor I knew, and he looked a bit queer, So T asked him to come and we'd order a beer. “And what are you doing, old man?” I inquired. (It was dreadfully hot, and I saw he perspired.) He drew from his pocket a'kerchief quite wet And mopped from his forehead the great beads of sweat : Then, draining his glass at a draught, he began : “Tam acting this week ; I'm the juvenile man Ina great Russian play called‘ The Czar in his Wrath ; Or, Condemned to Siberia’—talk of a bath ! At three matinées and for six nights a week 1 perspire till my trousers and sleeves fairly leak, J am muffled in furs from my head to my feet, While a great shaggy beard makes the torture complete ; And 1 bend over fires, though I'm ready to stew But good-bye, I must leave you ; we ring up at two.” ‘The following winter T met him again; On his face was a look of unspeakable pain. ‘Twas a bitter cold day, the wind cut like a knife ; Tnever had suffered such cold ia my life I seized him and made for the nearest saloon, Ordered two Tomand-Jerrys—ye gods, what a boon ! “And what are you doing, old man?” T inquired With that hearty good humor the drink had inspired, He finished his mug with a satisfied air, Ran his fingers at ease through his long. curly hair, And says he," I am acting this weck in a play Called “A Summer in Rome ; or, the Slave-girl at Bay." 3 I dress in the airiest of Canton crépe, you looking so fat and heart: My mission is simply to show my shape : SOJOURNER PROM TH In the thinnest of tights, and with bare neck a toothache on both sides.’ T float lightly through. displaying my charms - And while Tam freezing almost with the cold A RIGHT-ANGLED CORNER. The slave-girls will fan me with great fans of gold.” . * F se aba SUT TRNS WHLLETT, Gaggs—" What do you think of the feasibility of a ballet-girl trust? AN INTERNATIONAL EPISODE. Waggs—" Think it would be easy enough to get a cor- ner in ‘em; all I've seen are mostly built on that plan.” A SUMMERY PROCEEDING. MOTTO for an independent country boarding-house during the summer rush—If you see what you don't like, what are you going to do about it? TOO REMOTE. SAW a heavenly, haunting face to-night ; A queenly head, with floating, Buffy hair, An Artemis divinely pure and bright— “A chair?” you say? Why should I wish a chair? You're in the hammock ; has it shrunk so soon ? Last night it seemed quite large enough for two. “ How could I bear to leave her?" I declare! I think you're jealous. That's a joke on you. Why, Nellie, that’s the best Lever knew ! ‘Twas only, love, the lady in the moon, rm glad to see DOT’S ADJECTIVE, Dotkins —" Mamma, that’s a very pictureskew girl in that big, gilty frame, don’t you think nd mamma, examining the angle at which her hat was tipped, and the other angle at which her head was tilted, cluded that pictureskew was more applicable than picturesque PIRMALD-1ORSE (chief of the Piutes)—" No give Injun cigarette, Injun take top-knot.” HIS VACATION. $6 HAVE you had a pleasant vacation this summer?” g yed myself hugely.” low did you spend it?” * By sending my wife to the country for six weeks.” HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS ABOUT. Stranger —" Have you a boy who can take a note up to Harlem right away ?” District messenger-clerk—" Why don't you try the post-office? You'll get better result Stranger—"No 1 won't, either; 1 don't want it to get there before next Wednesd HAD TO TAKE THE LOT. ONES'S better-half had presented him with twins. When nurse brought them into the room for inspec- tion the poor man was so bewildered at the multitudinous character of his happiness that he asked : “Am I to choose?” comicbooks.com