Judge, 1889-08-24 · page 6 of 16
Judge — August 24, 1889 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of late-19th-century Judge magazine: **"The Conch Shell"** (poem): A romantic parody about someone emotionally fixated on the sea, rejected by other suitors (abalone, nautilus). The satire mocks sentimental Victorian poetry. **"Court Etiquette"**: Humorous advice for Americans visiting British royalty abroad, gently ridiculing both American patriotic excess (red-white-blue handkerchiefs, business cards to the queen) and American social anxiety about proper decorum. The joke about the Prince of Wales borrowing money with a signed note suggests skepticism about aristocratic credibility. **"More Fun at Peekskill"**: A soldier's joke about repeated inspection failures—mild military satire. **"At Long Branch"** and other brief jokes: Light domestic humor about children and drawing ability. **"After Reading Haggard's Cleopatra"**: Parody of overwrought literary responses to H. Rider Haggard's popular adventure novel, mocking readers who get lost in melodramatic Egyptian tomb imagery. The page is primarily entertainment and light social satire rather than hard political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE CONCH SHEL! PON the yellow sands I lie And croon and croon : “T love the sea.” Each wave of sound that passes by T echo soon, 3} But only love the sea; For the soft, wet lips of the sounding sea Are the only lips in the world to me, And so, from noon ‘To midnight’s moon, T croon and croon : “*T love the sea.” ‘The abaloné calls to m: “ Would be my lov And when, at night, ‘The stars are bright In the great southern cross above, “The nautilus comes sailing in ‘And ever hopes my heart to win. | SLEEP Te may not be, Aid with MY For the soft, wet lips of the sounding sea Are the only lips in the world to me, And so, from noon ‘To midnight’s moon, T croon and croon : *T love the sea.” STANLEY WATERLOO, MORE FUN AT PEEKSKILL. PRIVATE BOAKER—"' P'raps th’ colonel ‘Il call ‘tention to my soiled collar at inspection again termorrer !” COURT ETIQUETTE, (FOR THE BENEFIT OF THOSE WHO ARE ABROAD THIS SEASON.) RED AND GREEN neckties are never worn. Never present your business-card to the queei It is entirely too patriotic to carry a red, white, and blue silk handkerchief. Do not go to the trouble of having an historical picture embroidered on your shirt-front. Never invite the queen to call on you, because she wouldn't if you begged her on your knees. Do not call the lackeys “sir”; neither mistake the lord of the wardrobe for a common, ordinary footman. If the prince of Wales buttonholes you in the ante-room and wants to borrow a few pounds be sure and get his note, regularly signed, and sealed with the privy seal. This will be worth something, at least. AT LONG BRANCH. Lrttie Dick —I can do something your papa can't do.”” ‘Tue Tuesrtan Twins —'* What is it?” Lrrtie Dick —"' Draw a house, My mamma said he never drew one last season.” AFTER READING HAGGARD’S “CLEOPATRA.” "M_FULL of pictures of the direful tomb, Of subterranean vault and sunless crypt ; For many weary days and nights I've dipped In dark abysses of Egyptian gloom ; What o’er-fantastic visions on me loom Of ancient grave-yards, and the splendor stripped From long-dead queens, whose glowing vestures, ripped, Dropped wealth that summoned spoilers to their doom ! Last night, indeed, I dreamed I found myself Within a pyramid where gnomes abide, Where, sad of face, and bound by twisted gyve, T thought T saw Sir Haggard on a shelf, All dry and mummy-tike ; but how I eried When I awoke to know him still alive! HIS HEAD WAS L gs —" What are you doing with all those s—"T'm getting/ready to goon my Snaggs—" Oh, 1 see; so you got those maps EXGAGING WILLIAM —"* See me smilin’, Claude?” he id Buneo Ciau “* Ves ; hear me chucklin’ ?” ENGAGING WiLtiam —" I does.” to sce where to go?” Ragys—" No; to see where not to go.” Born TOGETHER —"Ain't dat a soft snap to work? We know th’ whole story t” begin with.” comicbooks.com