Judge — August 24, 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE FOR THE JUDGE’S FAIR PATRONS. (THERE are three things that a woman should be,” said our Court-room philosopher the other day, “and three things that she ought not to be!” “ A woman should resemble a snail in always remaining in her own house, but there is no need of her putting all her possessions on her back like that mollusk. “"A woman should also resemble an.echo, that only speaks when it is spoken to, but she should not, also like the echo, contrive to have the last word. “And; finally, she ought to be as exact in her movements and as regular in her habits town-clock, but, like it, she should not make noise enough to be heard by the entire city.” A SUMMER'S OUTING. AS it you, dear, of I who began? T stooped for your dainty pink fan, And raising its plumes to my lips T wafted a kiss from their tips. *Twas only a gay moment's freak, So you smiled, and no chiding could speak. 319 as the You were promised to Everard Gray, But a few quiet walks day by day Were, surely, quite proper with me— Your friend of "old times’ a-b-<.”” Bat a friend's often lost by a glance, And a look wins a lover, perchance. Ah, sweetheart, no thought of the harm Ever sounded its note of alarm Till the day—you remember the spot ?— ‘When you deftly untangled the knot That my fish-line, rebellious, was in, And somehow the curve of your chin, Or the dimples that played in your cheek, Or your eyes, half-coquettish, half meek, Or your lips, now in smile, now in pout, As you daintily coaxed the snarl out, Forced words from my lips all too strong For the friend's part I'd acted so long. Love and {right in your eyes grew to pain, ‘That still further bewildered my brain. A long kiss, then a sigh—wella-day ! We parted—you said ‘twas the way ; For" vows must be kept "—if they can, Was it I, was it you, who Degan? TINE ANDERSON. RATHER GLAD THAN OTHERWISE. S OF CEREMONY. ‘A gentleman, with his card-case! in’ hand, rings V the bell. <j 2 A NEW ORDER OF THINGS. Are Mr. and Mrs, B, at home? CouNTRY BOAR! “* Pretty well fixed up this.morning, Uncle Ned.” Yes, sir. “Very well; then I'll call again.” Mr. You bet Lam. [ain't goin’ ter have no’ more of you city-folks comin’ out here ah’ then goin’ back an’ puttin’ my pictur’ in th’ papers t' make me look ridickerlous.” ABSENCE OF MIND. ©¢EVER was so put out!in all'my:life as. sas: yesterday, matked Jones at his club the other:day. “Just fancy! I returned home at the usual hour, lit.the gas, and was about re- tiring forthe night when “L.took a notion to smoke a cigarette. Hunted high and low, but not the sign of a match could I find. In a rage, I put out the light-and went to bed.” “But why didn’t you Tight your cigarette by the gi some one. “Great heavens!" cried Jones in comical despair, “if I'd only thought: of it.” asked READ IN AN ALBUM. ‘6 ]F LOVE does not bring happiness, it often destroys it.” “Women do-with their accruing years what misers do with their money—the more they have the greater pains they take to concealthe fact.” OLD SAWS WITH NEW HANDLES. For lovers’ good-night—Two heads make a close mouth. For union-men—Two of a trade should not throw stones. For fleeing debtors—A friend in need will ride to the de For the morning sportsman—The carly bird is its own re For the patent-office—Procrastination is the mother of invention. For musical parents—A whistling woman knows her own father. For the meerschaum—Where there is smoke there is a friend indeed. For hungry tramps—Half a loaf is better than a clear con- science. For beer-drinkers—A pitcher may go often to the well, but the old one knows the corners. ‘or Coney istand—The happy man is he who: clutches at a The drowning man expects nothing. eae AFTER THE BLAST. Mrs. Brority—" It's Murty Donavan, Parthrick! Oi know thot patch.” Mk, Brority— Lave him shtay there till it shtops rainin'! Oil not be drowned out fer th’ likes o' him.” comicbooks.com