Judge — July 20, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT THE USUAL RATE. The pious old note-shaver died ; At the gate to St, Peter he cried, “The interest I charged was not small, I'll admit, Bat man’s law allowed it, as when I saw fit My profits somewhat to enhance, The interest to take in advance. But I rented a pew in a church, And you'll surely not leave in the lurch As pious a person as ever you knew !" Said Peter, ‘A future of bliss is your due, Bat the charge is one hundred per cent.”” So he took the one hundred per cent., ‘And the pious old note-shaver went Where ‘twas hot And was not What the note-shaver thought Peter meant. tankey Waterloo, When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria. When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When sho became Miss, she clung to Castoria, When she had Children, she gave them Castoria, Ske—"Do you love music? Tam passionately fond of it. He (just introduced) —‘*1 knew you were. I watched you the other night at the opera, and the way your jaws kept time to the music was a""—. S) “*Sir?"— Terre Haute The best regulator of the digestive organs, also best appetizer known, is Angostura Bitters, the genuine of Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & Sons. At all druggists. It is sobarly related that a youthful married couple whose house has recently been glorified by the addition of a fac-simile of the beautiful little mother decided to have the christening service at home, A venerable minister was called to officiate. He took the babe in his arms affectionately, and addressed a few words of advice to the young parents. ‘See that you train up this child in the way that he should go; that you sur- round him with the best influences, and that you give him a good example. If you do so, who knows but he may become a John Wesley, or a George Whitefield? What is his namie?" “* Nellie, sir,” replied the mother. —Boston Traveler, “ DANDRUFF is the most frequent cause of prema- tue BALDNESS.” ITCHING is peace-de- stroying and exhausting to the vital powers, and breeds pro- fanity.” SCRATCHING is like paying a debt with a note. SHAMPOOING with PACKER’ S TAR SOAP isa hygienic luxury, promoting a clear, smooth skin, healthful scalp, and vigorous hair. Invaluable for irritations of the skin incident to summer, 25 cents, Druggivts. Sample (4 cake), socents, stamps. Mention Jepux, THE PACKER MFG, CO,, 100 Fultou 8t, Try the H. H. S. (Londres Perfecto.) A Gentleman's Ciga’ $7.50 per 100. Sample Box of 25 sent prepald for $2. SACKER & WHITCOMB, Boston, Mass. FUN AND PHILOSOPHY. Tt_ makes a red-headed man mad when a fly helps itself to alight on his poll. It is the girl with the creamy complexion that is soonest taken for butter or worse. ‘A man who stakes his happiness on a maiden, as a matter of course, makes a miss-stake. Authority is like-dried-apples. A few cents’ worth will puff a small man up astonishingly. ‘The near-sighted hen that swallowed a bee was not long in concluding that hers was a peck of trouble. “Time flies, and we don't wonder at it, since it is con- tinually urged on by the spur of the moment. Fault is one of those litte things that do not need to be seen in order to be found. fault, ‘Among the most unhappy moments of a boy's life-time are those in which he is like a girl—with a switch down his back. A haberdasher declares that the collar trade has fallen off seventy per cent. since it has become possible for dudes to wear cuffs around their necks. A western editor had a coin sent to him of a kind he had never seen before, and he devoted half a column of space to describing it. It proved to be a five-dollar gold-piece. A quarry of paving-stone has been discovered near Meshoppen, Pa., in which the slabs are streaked with red, white, and blue veins. It ought to be made the national flag. Some one has discovered that bashful men get the best wives. Well, they need them. A bold man can get on in the world be he ever so badly handicapped, A bashful man needs help.— Binghamton Republican, A blind man can find Mrs, Wixstow's Sooriine Syrur for Children ‘Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarthora, "25 cents a bottle, ‘They met and loved in the usual way iy the shores of the summer sea. She a banker's daughter—'twas her own tale— While a merchant prince was he. And never, each vowed, had a flame like theirs Sprung up in the human heart ; While the door of joy's future scemed hung with crape When the time came on to part. . . . * . Nehind the counter she proudly stood, And her eyes took a stony stare As he asked to be shown some woolen socks Ata quarter or so a pair. Forgetful how tender men's bosoms are, Her pride said, ‘Ignore him!" She does ! She cut him as dead as a coffin-nail, And he didn't know who she was. Breton “Sec tles, $30.00, net, net. * CHAMPAGNE.—Case one dozen bot- Case two dozen half-bottles, 832,00, JESTS ON CHICAGO. From all we hear and read, water is not used for any- thing in Chicago except to pat out fires and sprinkle the streets, —Cincinnati Gazette, A Chicago girl went to Dubuque, Iowa, to. commit suicide, Could. the wonderful climate of ‘Chicago be Detter illustrated 2—Peoria Transcript A company has been formed in Chicago to do all the hanging that mgy be required in the United States. But if full justice is done in Chicago it will have too much employment at home to attend to calls for its serv. ices from other parts of the country.—A tanta Journal, On the outskirts of the universe more facts can be gleaned in a moment in regard to the Cronin murder than can be learned in a month from the Chicago po- lice, owing partly to the fact that so many members of the force are close to the heart of the mystery.— Wash ington Post, Miss De Ham —"* Vou are a recent comer to C Oy I believe, Mr. Clearsides ?” Mr, Clearsides —** Oh, no, indeed ; 1 hi resided here for more than a month,” Miss De Ham —"Why, | can hardly credit it. ‘The papers have not mentioned your name once in connec tion with the Cronin murde! Minneapolis Tribune, PREMIERE Dts Sinovelty, unique, chast QUALITE, OUR NEW CIGARETTE. Asthe result of long labor and careful study we have this superb f}) Cigarotte to offer. it cannot be surpassed in purity or excellence, and and dainty. It is from the highest cost Virginia and North Carolina leaf. SUE FINYAT SMOKING MIXTURES ARU: OP OUR MANUPA WM. S, KIMBALL & CO., 15 First Prize Medals, URY. Rochester, N.Y OH! OH! We hear with sorrow that our highly colored contem- porary, JupGR, is in trouble with its new neighbors be- cause of the tremendous noise from its rumbling presses, a noise that destroys rest and the value of property in the immediate vicinity of Jupce’s handsome new home. Such troubles are inseparable from success. We are ourselves in trouble with the staid and quiet people of Philadelphia, who object to the noise made by persons passing through on the Hennsylvania railroad, whose laughter over the contents of Munser's Weekly seems to our Quaker brethren unnecessarily loud and pro- longed. * We regret the difficulty that has come up be- tween ourselves and a community whose vices we do not know and whose virtues we admire, but we are powerless to mitigate its severity, —Munsey’ The Kodak. “You press the button, we do the vest.” THE ONLY CAMERA THAT ANYBODY CAN USE WITHOUT IN- SPRUCTION. PRICE, $25.00. Loaded for too Pictures, For sale by all Photo. Stock Dealers. Send for copy of Kodak Primer, with sample photograph. THE CELEBRATED PIANOS ‘Are at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St, W.Y. 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