Judge — March 2, 1889 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A QUICK LUNCH. *Heah comes dat cust'mer ob a hurry fer a san'wicher."” » WAITER—"*Umpahi I see um,” (Sivises-sh) CONFESSIONS OF A DUDE. T'S such a pity, you knaw, to be bawn with a mind. It's weally such a stwuggle to get en- ly wid of it, don’tchewknaw. That weal, genuine, don't-caaw-faw-anything expwession is so doosid hawd to maintain when a fellaw’s got a mind on his hands to get wid of: Why, theaw es when me bwain gwows blawsted weawy twying not to act, you knaw. ct. You sce I wasn't bwought up cowect. Me pawents couldn't wealize the amazing hold | was going to have upon sassiety as the leading dude in the deaw foah hundwed, and they actually began to edecate me. Fawncy! sent me to school, ‘pon honaw. Oh, it was dweadful! All the time, you knaw, me inbawn, awistocwatie vacuity webelled, and finally me wesolution bwoke the cwuel bonds and I said, * Now, weally, you knaw, I won't But the tewwible mischief had beendone, The feawful impetus given to me youthful bwain has nevaw yet been ovaweome, and the amount of ac tivity I had to exawcise in standing by me w tions has always sawt of haunted me, and made me jack that complete wepose of mannaw me soul so longs faw. It’s such a dweadful boaw to feel intewested in things, don'tchewknaw. ‘They say me mothaw was an awfully intewesting woman, and I suppose 1 inhew It’s such a pity to inhewit anything so blawsted active as an intewest, you see. I've done vewy well faw a yeaw, though; I weally don’t think I've avawaged moaw than one idea a day; but that’s awful tiawsome when it comes, and I feel so exhausted when it goes—and then I wowwy so, faw 1 know I'll have anothaw to-mowaw, you see. I wondaw if opium wouldn't do it up faw good. I weally think cigawettes have helped me. I'l ask me fellaw how many I smoke a day now, and if he thinks I could manage any moaw. If not, 1 think I'll have to twy opium. I'm so tiawed of that idea, don’tchewknaw, HUM OF THE COURT. N OUR OPINION Rudolph perished of cerebro- spinal meningitis. THE VOICE OF WASHINGTON—The queen is dead, long live the queen. BROWNING was the original fifteen puzzle.and every Boston woman thinks she is able to solve him, B 4 + STARR, who was recently shot out ‘ould whip her weight in men or wild- Customer—" Here you ar evidently not an admirer of American beauty let that worry you, my dear, for he actually — thanks!” wood day!" cats... She was twice married, and both her husbands were in the habit of making the morning fire. Gone to meet John Mor F THERE is a princess in Austria who wasn’t killed along with the crown prince, let her speak up and vindicate her reputation, [F THE LAW really won't put a stop to the white-cap business, then there must be a new kind of white cap to hang the old kind, 66M RS. LANGTRY’S,” says the Sw,“ are the handsomest.” This is intended, perhs a Rosalind to Mrs, Potter's Cleopatra. CORKERHILL, a private mansion near Philadelphia, was burned to the cellar recently, ‘The fire was as much of a corker as the hill. HE SISTER of Guiteau has written a book. Women of her kind ought not to write books until they are dead, and such women never dic. HE Troy 7imes, says the of grief. Iti melancholy she OSWELL is one of the Flowers that bloom in the fall; but these blooms invariably shed their leaves early in November and are not seen or heard of again for a whole year. Why bloom ? THE YOUNG EMPEROR of China has taken a wife and two concu- Dines to begin with; but it is thought that he will some years later six hundred women in his harem, and will then be as proud as any- IS, as ening Post, is troubled with great billows ; but no paper ever enjoyed its boo-hooing as does that have body. INCLUDED HERSELF. ng lady)—"* Our English nobleman, the marquis of Repley, is T heard him say he didn’t cate for your style; but don’t id the same thing about me! comicbooks.com