Judge — March 2, 1889 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE MY PHOTOGRAPH. HE, picture-man’s accustomed hand Arranged me with celerity, And hid my principal defects With judgment and dexterity. He turned me right, he turned me left, ‘With wondertul rapidity, Securing my inconstant head, To give it due solidity. He placed a river at my back, And trees and rocks adjacently Adjusted, with artistic touch, And viewed the whole complacently. Just drop your chin!" I dropped it, to The best of my abilit * But shut your mouth ! T deemed an ineivility. he added, which Across the room, with dirty face, A bric-a-bracket Psyche sat ; The artist backward jerked his thumb ‘And bade me keep an eye on that, And eke to smile and also wink, With dignity and suavity ; Whereat I smiled full solemnly, And winked with awful gravity. “Twas difficult—but now ‘tis done, With secret exultation do 1 show to friends my photograph, And note their admiration too. * How beautiful" they ery, nor know ‘Their honest praise is praise of me, Till, pressed to tell them whose itis, “Tis mine!” I say triumphantly. SIRS, GRORGH ARCHIBALD, HE HAD SEEN THE EDITOR. Mrs, Ransom—* Wasn't that a mean article the Bugle published Ars, Savage—* Yes, indeed ; no foundation at all for it.” Mrs, Ransom— Me, Savage told Mr, Ransom last night that he was going to sce the editor about it. Has he been yet?" Mrs. Savage—"1 guess so; 1 just received a note from John at Bellevue. There comes a time when woman is inclined To exercise her body as her min Jumps at an offer, and, with lively pace, ‘She with the consequences runs a race. A CONSIDERATE TRAMP. Mrs, Pancake—\ can't and a piece of cold beefstedk. Thank you, madam; and will you now kindly tell me If the lunch should prove fatal I would like to save the city any expense for an ambulance.” ‘¢ you any money, but here's some bread EDUCATION TRACURK (from the cast)—"* Now, children, all of you who intend to behave and be ood—hands up THE ROAD WAS CLEAR. fiss Slane has invited me to call on her,” said Bjones. “1 wouldn't go to that house again for a small fortune,”- returned De Jinks, “and I wouldn't advise you to ithe “ But you see, my dear fellow, she mentions in a postscript that her father has the rheumatism and somebody has poisoned the dog.” LIBERAL TO THE GUESTS. Lady at the telephone in her own house. “Helio, Central! give me 95." (Pause, and then Hello! from 95.) Lady—" This is 95? Well, please send me up five dozen glass rotundas. Merchant — cuse me, madam; we do not understand yeu. Please repeat.” Lady (repeats) — "Five dozen glass ro- tundas to serve cream in, you know, [am going to have a recep- tion, and I hear in Washington they often serve ice-cream in ro- tundas, Five dozen, be sure, and cut glass!” (Merchant “cuts.”) REVISED. Gaggs—"How about De Papp, that the *Hobsnob club" black-balled ?” Waggs—" Bah! In the famili of youth,‘ He doesn’t know enough to go in when it rains.” Gaggs (glancing up at athird-story front) —" But he’s in now, and this is scarcely a gentle show Wagys—" No? Really ? BEHIND THE TIMES. LAPPERY SAM (in Philadelphia) : I'm goin’ back ter York. What's der matter, pard?" I worked a chump fer a thou- san’ down on Chestnut street, an’ so help me! when I got back ter th’ hotel I found they was confed- ‘rate bills, Folks here ain't heard that th’ war's over. words Must have got caught in then,” “fT had but 10.000 a year, oh what cheer! T'd spend the days gayly, that would I! Now, what would yew do with 10,000 a year?” “Why, nothing, dear boy, for why should 12" IN NEBRASKA. Cnorvs—" No, you don’t, pard. You ain’t gittin’ no drop on us!”