Judge — March 2, 1889 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

$32 SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. [ Tisgood for invalids to ave what they want —invalids and idiots. It is in the nature of disappointments. alw to come from an unex- pected quarter. If the foolish man were as wise as the wise man he would be less comfort- able in his foolishness. Money will buy ahorse to pull a plow, but not all of the gold in the king's coffers ever bought a friend. There are duties as well as rights, and those who shirk their duties are unconsciously leaving unclaimed their rights. A friend is sacred in his friendship, and from the moment that you make autility machine of him you desecrate him. With strong digestive powers a crossed affec- tion is a matter of fleet ing importance in the life of the average young man; but when, like poor Mr. Dougherty, one has lost his constitution, the chances are that he will never survive the affliction. Man is an undipped Achilles. ¢ for him, he has been left vulne Mr. Dunnett— You'll pardon me for A FINANCIAL EPISODE. Miss Bristoe, ‘but I want to ask you a questio Miss Bristor Mk. Dux your father at home, every point ; and the name of his Paris is legi A few thousand dollars dropped into one’s cup of be- reavement is said to sweeten the bitterness of its waters wonderfully. If the wise man were as Philosophical as the foolish man he would be made less iserable by the smallness of A. man’s safety does not lie in turning his back upon a suspicious hypothesis, but in giving it an honest and dis- interested consideration. Poverty is no disgrace, says Uriah. Well, that depends. Abstractly speaking, no con- dition is a disgrace. Only the acts which have established it deserve the criticism. One of the sorriest delu- sions, and in spite of repeated overthrowals one of the lon- xest-lived, is the contented thought that one's only vul- nerable points of atta those already taken. Some natures are so selfish that they make even love a party to their selfishne: My wife may be a win term of endearment, but No kindly river Styx having performed this is sso sudden !” know I'm a bit abrupt, but I want to inquire as to the best time to find He owes our firm for that last block of stock, you know.” nex’ summah, ble not only at one, but at toc eat dinnah wid y ing advantage of a secluded corner, my dear OLD CHOCOLATE'S JOCOSERIOUS CHAT. wucks inks. libe- ly; an’ a lazy head goes wid lazy han's. De hired hoss mus’ trabble fas’, an’ offen goes widout oats. A ragged man doan’ git no mo’ repytashen by weahin’ a new hat. People wid one chile, laik a hen wid one chick, ah apt toe be toe kind. De man dat can't ahgue a p'int bluffs an- oddah by offahin’ toe bet. A padlock er no use on yo’ chicken-coop ef a bo'd loose in de rar. A. good story nebbah ‘ars out ‘less yo" tells hit twice in de same comp’ny. De man dat ‘signs toe wade in wickedness up toc his ankles am in obah ‘is head befo’ he knows hit. Yo" can't make po'idge outen de fac’ dat de beans ull be fit toe pluck Long ez yo’ er got a pantry full dar’s no trouble abo't fin‘in’ ‘nuff but hit er laikly dat w’en yo" er in hah'd luck yo’ won't meet a one dat knows yo’ in a day's wa MISTAKEN IDENTITY. De fudder yo’ go on a wrong road de fudder yo" mus’ walk back. De cow dat gibs two qua’ts ob milk quietly am a bettah beas’ dan de one dat gibs ten an’ kicks obah de pail. Wren yo’ er bitin’ de mos” ‘licious mo’sel yo" er li’ble toe git de toofache. A WISE YOUNG MAN. “1 suppose you began the new year right?" said old Mr. Bently to his son. Yes, sir, I did,” was the What new resolutions did you make, my “A resolution, my not to make any new reso- lutions. LACONIC. “Do you hunt wild beasts when on your expeditions ?” asked a gentleman of an ex- eler; “they hunt us.” Our contemporary, meaning is quite changed by making it “My wife.” Mrs. SOLBRAKE (just ar her youngest comes in)—"* That's a little Chinese joss my brother brought from Canton.” Mrs. Pastor—"'T never knew before that there were any live ones.” ‘Whose writing so dull is, Should take for his motto, “Aut scissors aut mudlus.” comicbooks.com