Judge — January 26, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PROSPECTUS OF “JUDGE” FOR 1889, 259 the country. He will vary this pleasant work by an occasional dash at politics, but will give fair warning so that heads may dodge. Mr. Zimmerman will add in- creased zest to his ability in throwing is the youngest (in feeling), happiest, and brainiest of all the satirical papers in the United States, and it bases its claim not entirely on what people say of it. but on the fact that the news company’s checks are invariably satisfactory. One of these rec- tangular documents was received recently on which the figures brimmed over the right-hand edge, and were continued on space, so that we are not yet entirely sure just what amount of money it was written for; but our treasurer is on a vigorous hunt, and the fugitive balance when captured will be devoted to the purchase of a series of coupon- extension check-books, so that this trouble may be avoided by the com- pany in the future. The liking for clean, pure, rib-tickling humor never changes, and while men may grow so old and asscetic (misspelling in- tentional) as to wonder why they laughed at gibes and jokes enjoyed a few years before, there is always a bright, smile-lov- ing army of citizens who have xof grown too old to support, cherish, read and grin with a firs humorous publication ; and this JUDGE is, has been, and always will be. = One of the few serious elements we to deal with is the maintenance in the several hospitals of free beds for those of our readers who have laughed, not wisely, but immoderately, and we will gladly add ‘extra accommodations for those who can't get on to the essence of our fun without a war-map in one hand, a French diction- ary in the other and a reticence to smile which is morgue-like in its intensity. JUDGE'S CARTOONS for 1889 will continue to bang common- sense, into dull brains, add new grayish matter to brains that are only partially equipped, and afford entertainment and happy recreation to the ninety-nine per cent. of brains that are bulging for scintillating and coruscating truth. JUDGE'S POLITICS will be, as they ever have been, REPUBLICAN from Alpha to Omega, Maine to California, and no back towns to hear from. JUDGE will stand by protection for American industries, protection for good government, and protection against the blues, first, last. and every time, and bets made oh these assertions need not be hedged in the least. JUDGE'S ARTISTS will form in 1889 a phalanx which is bound to push its crayons into the very picket-line of art. Mr. Bernhard Gillam as leading man will continue to hit abuses, rectify political mistakes, if there are any, and keep a general lookout on his lieutenants—and Canajoharie, N. Mr. Hamilton as first walking (varied oy sitting) gentleman has had a new diamond point riveted on his pencil, and. proposes during the coming year to incur the enmity of the dudes, the dinners of the staff, and the love of all the dudines as the best exponent of purely society sketches in people about so that it is never quite certain whether the feet are on the arms or the head growing out of the knee-caps; and Mr. Vietor, Mr. Smith, Mr. Flohri, Mr. Daggy, Mr. Sullivant and others will materially aid in extending the breadth of smile of the American public, Messrs. Benjamin Constant, Alma Tadema, Rosa Bonheur, Schreyer, Jacque Dinz and the rest of the auction crowd will contribute just as many sketches and illuminations as they have in the past, although we regret to say that Madame Diss Debar has somewhat lowered the standard of work of this class. JUDGE'S CONTRIBUTORS, for 1889 include Charles Dickens, Marco Polo, General Boulanger, Tom Paine, the emperor of Germany, the sultan of Turkey and I, M, Gregory. Mr. Gregory as editor will have a few minor assistants in the agony of get- ting the paper out, and these will form, if negotiations don’t fail, about the same list as usual, Our readers are prepared to forgive J. A. Waldron, Madeline S, Bridges, De Witt Sterry, Geo. S. Crittenden and the ren of the four hundred; but they will look somewhat askance at Bill Nye until his reputation as a humorist is a little better established. JUDGE'S SPECIAL FEATURE for 1889 will be the determination to jump right on to the figurative neck of any and every bit of humbug that crops up. This i Land will be carried out with pen, pencil and tue to the last extremity. s both exhaustive and fin nerve- JUDGE'S EXTRA PUBLICATIONS for 1889 will include some exceedingly interesting and instructive matter. The coming brochure by an anony- mous author on “Why Doesn't Hayti Shoot Loose 2” and the volume of travels to be issued shortly on Poker as Played in the Catacombs,” will be varied from time to time by editions of standard value to the general reader in lines of thought some- what removed from these lighter subjects ; while, as eve rterly serials will serve » to unite the two sides of the sandwich, the q er of THE CHRISTMAS JUDGE for 1889 will be i which can be used after the meat is ex- tracted as jewelry caskets. ued in solid gold covers, JUDGE'S: POLICY for 1889 will be one for $500,000 on the new building into which we shall remove on May tst,and where, with enormous facilities for an increase in the good work, we shall lie back and be as funny, as satirical and as fair as we can be. with both cyes on our readers’ interests and our heart on our circulation. JUDGE'S FINAL INVOCATION for 1889. If you want to be fat in flesh and purse, jolly in mind and action, easy in spirit and appetite, and generally healthy, SUBSCRIBE FOR THE JUDGE. - comicbooks.com