Judge — 1888 — page 51: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NATURAL GAS FROM JUDGE. UNCLE NAT’S SQUIRREL GUN. Aust Exiza—* You men never know nothin’ anyhow. Why don't yer blow real hard inter it, an’ ye'll fetch ‘er "— 49 PERHAPS HE ISN'T HANDSOME. “Say, John, do you believe in luck?” “should say I'did! ‘This is leap year and not a single girl has proposed to me!” THE AMERICAN VERSION. German professor—‘n the old country one of our common proverbs is ‘If 1 rest I rust.’” Foung Mr. Ticker—‘Well, we have e pretty nearly the same thing here. ‘If I trust I bust’ is our v sion.’ NO FEAR OF EVICTION. Mrs. O Rourke—* Aud so yez would putus all out in the sthreet for the sake of a week’s rint?” Agent—“That’s all. I must have my money or out you go.” Mrs, O' Rourke—‘* Well, thin, let me tell yez the first sthep that pig o’ moine takes outside the door, I'll have yez arristed by the S.P.C. A.” pins ie Si IN IMITATION OF WALES. First Anglomaniac— Where to-night, deah boy ?” Second Anglomaniac—‘A large pahty of us are going to the theatre.” First Anglomaniac—* Take a box?” Second Anglomaniac—* Of course, deah boy. Join us. Come with a full on ; we're going to have a loud time and stop the performance.” THE REASON WHY. “Say, Boggs, old fellow, is that really your new house the red flag’s flapping out from? What's the matter?” “Got to sell off the furniture at auction. Bought a ton of coal last week.” “Why, but I don’t see how your buying coal” — “No, hang it all! That wouldn't ; but the blasted dealer made me pay for it before he'd draw it.” “Oh, I see.” A CHICAGO VIEW. Chicago young man—* And what did you think of Mt. Vesuvius, Miss Palmerhouse ?” Chicago young woman —*1 couldn't heip thinking, Mr. Rat- tantan, what a magnificent toboggan slide it would make.” LOCAL ITEMS. EVOLUTIONS OF VILLAGE LIFE AS PORTRAYED IN THE BEANVILLE SENTINEL. The Beanville band practices in the school-house to-night. Hiram Perkins has a fresh lot of West India goods, and is sel- ling them off like hot cakes. Fhe young folks in the First Methodist church talk of holding a sociable after harvest time. Deacon Elderkin’s boy Jake lost his new straw hat while re- turning from the Methodist picnic last Friday. Peleg Tier is out.again—this time with a crutch and a cane. It takes something more than rheumatism to knock Peleg out com- pletely. : : The Rev. Sawdust Johnson, the worthy colored divine of West See, will supply the pulpit of the African M. E. church next Sunday. Hiram Woodley says he can saw and split a cord of hickory wood quicker than any man in the country. Now let us hear from John Collins. Sadie Root is visiting friends in Cohoes, and some of the boys down Bricktop way are beginning to look scared for fear she'll stay there lor good. How's that, Sammy? Miss Miranda Larabee will have to gum it this week while Dr. Forceps make some alterations in her new set. ‘The doctor has a cozy office on Main street. Give him a call. The boys who went down to the hog-guessing at Copake Junction last Wednesday want to know why Jim Slayback got away with that half a water melon, ‘Nuff said, Jim. “Dar’s such a t'ing ez toe much fothought. Ef yo’ stan’ long ‘nuff at de station debatin’ wedder yo’ ull take dis train or de nex’ one, bof ob um ull go an’ leave yo’. Yo" er ap’ toe gib de man w'o’grees wid yo" credit fo’ a hund’ed pah cent. mo’ wisdom en he’m got. A LITTLE ELEMENTARY INSTRUCTION. In a restaurant. «Waiter, a bottle of Madeira.” “All right, sir.” After an interval, “Waiter, I ed you for a bottle of Madeira ten minutes ago.” ‘The waiter, his napkin under his arm, draws himself up, and remarks with great dignity: “T see, sir, that you are nota connoy-sheur, sir. I made you wait on purpose, sir, for every connoy-sheur knows, sir, the older |} Madeira is the better it is, sir.” HUMAN NATURE. He had fought in many a battte ‘And had won by hook or crook, But he yielded to the rattle ‘That the little baby shook. FELINITY. MicNox — How awfully fortunate you are. Madge! party without having to dance all the time. Manse (who has been wall-flowering? your last three partners went to th stopped.” I wish T could enjoy a It must be tiresome, dear. I notice smoking-room just as soon as the music comicbooks.com