Judge — 1888 — page 48: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

46 NATURAL THERE WOULD BE SOME ON THE PLATE. Minister's wife— “Richard, | wish you'd give me money to buy some buttons for the children’s clothing.” Minister —“ Wait un- til after Sunday, my dear; I’m going to ask the congregation at that time for an extra col- lection.” MUSICALLY EXACT. Prof. Goodear—* Ab! Miss’ De Capo, your brother has a very fine tenor voice. But I can’t j out the part ntleman who with him.” Miss De Capo—* Oh! Signor Nobasso, you mean. He is only the tutor, you know.” SO NATURAL. THOUSANDS OF “What do you think, darling mamma? Little Tommy and Ihave been playing getting married?” “Yes, and how did you manage it?” “ Well! you see, I laid the table and we sat down, Then he tast- ed something and said ‘it wasn’t fit for a dog to eat,’ and threw his napkin on the floor, Then I said he was ‘a fool,’and then he swore awful and left the room, and I called him a ‘brute!’” What Mrs. B. says: DIFFICULT TO PLEASE. « L know of nothing so inconvenient as a jealous husband ; at the same time I can conceive of nothing more humiliating than to have one’s partner for life entirely free from the green-eyed monster.” WAysIDE MORALIST— in plenty, yet he must kick.” PATRICK'S FINESSE, “Well, Pat,” said Foodlebright, “how do you propose to tide over the strike?” “Faith, sor,” answered Pat, “I prophose to Bridg-et. in washin’ an’ arns two shillin’ the day.” She teks MEN ARE LIKE IT. ear me, how terribly human that ass is! GAS FROM JUDGE. A SLIGHT DRAW- BACK. “Well, how did the ceremony at the church go off?” asked Bacon of Bailey. “Splendidly. The bridegroom's face was , just wreathed in smiles. There was only one drawback.” “Indeed?” “Yes ; the bride failed to make her appear ance.” PRINCIPLE AND INTEREST. “They may talk as much as they like about old Moneybags,” said Higgins, “but he’s cer- tainly a man of prin- ciple. Yes,” responded Wiggins, “ but you can't see his principal unless you put up a pretty stiff interest.” Although he's up tohisneck wove Up THE WRONG CUSTOMER. A timid. youth had business with a firm consisting of two brothers. Finding one of them alone in the counting-room, he stammered out: “ P-p-p-please, sir, h-h-h-have I the h-h-honor of ad-d-d-dress- ing you, or y-y-y-your b b-b-brother ?” “ My brother, sir,” was the uncompromising reply. THE NERVE OF A DRUMMER. “Do you think you have nerve enough to be a reporter?” asked the managing editor of an applicant. “T think so, sir.” " “And what makes you think so?” “I'm only twenty,” was the reply, “but I have already pro- posed to five different girls.” ’Case a parrot kin yell “Howdy,” a’n't a sign dat he kin carry on a convahsatin, HARDLY AN IMPROVEMENT. YOUNG ENTHUSIASTIC ARTIST ‘innocently)—"'1 presume, Miss Fitzdook, you paint?” Miss Fitzp0ox (indignantly, misapplying his remarks)—* r? Do you intend to insult "— YouNG Antist (very much ‘embarrassed)—" O, ‘pon my word, Miss Fitzdook, don't think for a moment I alluded to the paint bn your face.”” comicbooks.com