Judge — 1888 — page 47: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NATURAL GAS / THE ACME OF POLITENESS. “on!” A LETTER From the mother of the college girl who complained because the dining service was not of silver such as she had been ac- customed to at home. This document is authentic, having been found by the room-mate of the discontented one after she had departed for her pala- tial abode at Smith’s Basin, N. J. Dear Satty—I suppose ion will be Mad with me for calling you by the Old fashioned name but Sally you was crissened and * ireene is like a Stranger to me. your letters is alway welcom that you must know and We do the best we ken, but Sally to be alway finding falte it is Disheartnin to Say the leest your Father and I has Wanted you to Have this edgecation the Wirst way, and has scraped and Scrimped lord only knows How to get the Prize of the tooishin and close beside And I need not speak of my perple Silk made over and the Plad as Well for they fitted you good and has left me nothing but the old alapacka that was thredbare When Si was Borne but I don’t Speak in any Refference except to remind you, and of the Red table cover from the Parler Sent to you (and the melia shawl is the Cover now) also the Lace curtins off the Windows to make your Roome look nice and the Bare- ness is a Shame so we don’t Ask annybody in there anymore melia’s Boe and her Sets on the front stoop Mostly. I think He will ask her soone it ben goin on long enough goodness knows. charley White married the stebbins~ girl and have His wiskers shaved he look so difrent your Father is Drudgin’ in the store More so than uzual not that trade is Anny too Brisk, but George have left him in the Lurch. Mis‘ Hawkins Boy come for a wile, but wayd things too Heavy and only one eye Besides. _ this is THE COAL STRIKE. shure Oi’ve heerd the folks say as how coal wuz goin’ up, but Oi've bin, begobs, watchin’ here two days, an’ divil a bit has riz from under the shed yit!”" “Kindly accept a loan of my wig, madam.” FROM JUDGE. 45 wash Day-Anty perry is helpin with the wash for the dress I made her, But 1 wood rather have the Money every little Helps. benny and Si is over the Meezles, thank providense, and the doctors bill will be comin in Mis Sillick have got to goin With the martins and enuff Airs about it, But they are sure to drop her by and by Studdy hard, Do, dear Sally, and try to get along econom- ickle your father was Dancing at the Bill for stashunary keep to the things identles as naws out th he Spair change we can serape I know deer Sally, you don’t have All the things you want no more do 1 if I sed hadn't anny of em I'd be nearder the trooth But as long as we have Helth and a good conshens theres noth- ing enny better then that Nor equill to it Now I must draw to a cloze there’s people moved in Davises old Place and One of Marthy Day’s twins is died of croop eph Smith is goin after lowrics Girl you Wont care now. He never Asks for you enny more and she have his Picture round her Neck. Benny broke granma’s lookinglass yesterday and Father thinks of sellin the Heffer so No more at present from your loving Mother and Father Cystuy Miter. ps. the Ducks only came out 6 after all, and the big Caff got hurt by lowries cross cow, but the rest of the Fambly is well and . all sends their Love. A HAPPY DELIVERY. Bobley-—“ Our friend Jaggs, whom everybody thinks’ so dull, got off an awfully good joke last night.” Wiggins — Aw —T1 hope they're both doing well as could be expected. THOUGHT HE SHOULD KNOW. Bertie—' Pa, why is Volapuk called the universal language?” Pa—“Oh, don’t bother me with such questions. How do you suppose I’d know?” Bertie—“Why, pa, ain't you a Universalist ?” A good all "ro NOT SO GREEN. Officer of the day (to raw recruit on post)—*What would you do sir, if a steamboat were to come across the parade ground at night?” Sea recruit (excitedly) —" I—I—l'd— O. d. (ferociously )—" Answer me, sir! R. r. (innocently) "what would you do?” I'd bring the steamboat to a halt and ad- vance the chambermaid !” A DOG WITH BAD HABITS. Dogs are allowed to ride on street cars in Rochester. The other day a combination spitz-skye-terrier, with dark hair about the mouth, tried to make the acquaintance of a little girl. “Go ’way, dog!” she lisped. bacco.” “Why, Ethel,” said her mother; “dogs don't chew tobacco.” “Well, his mouth looks just like sgrandpa's.” “I don’t like dogs that chew to- GETTING AT THE SIZE OF THE CERTiFICATE. Boston young woman— They tell me that Miss De Peyster has a beautiful marriage certificate 2” Chicago young woman — “How much — twenty-five or fifly thousand?” comicbooks.com