Judge, 1888 · page 20 of 72
Judge — 1888 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This 1888 Judge magazine page contains several satirical pieces mocking social conventions: **"Hell Never Know"** jokes about railroad timetables' notorious unreliability—a genuine frustration of the era. **"Proper Present for a Wife"** is a misogynist joke: a salesman recommends a muzzle for a customer's wife, implying women should be silenced. This reflects Victorian attitudes toward women. **"How the National Game Affects Her"** uses baseball metaphors to describe a young woman manipulating wealthy suitors (the "Duke," "Oldgold") for money and status—treating courtship as strategic competition. It satirizes both gold-digging and shallow romance. **"At Mount Desert"** depicts a tourist ("Ernet") patronizingly presenting a rough boatman as a "type" to admire, while the boatman speaks in crude dialect, reflecting class-based mockery common in period humor. **"The Paternal View"** ironically contrasts a visitor's effusive praise of a newborn with the exhausted father's honest recollection of sleepless nights. These pieces satirize courtship rituals, class pretension, gender roles, and social hypocrisy typical of Gilded Age America.
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NATURAL GAS ~ HE'LL NEVER KNOW. Visttor (to asy/um)—-*That gentleman seems to be singularly afflicted.” Yes. He's been trying all his life to find out from the average railroad time-table at what time the trains arrive and depart.” FROM JUDGE. PROPER PRESENT FOR A WIFE. Cusromer-—"'I say, what would be an appropriate present to give toa lady?” she's my wife.” n that case I would recommend a muzzle. SALESMA: T'm a married CusToMER HOW THE NATIONAL GAME AFFECTS HER. BALLVILLE Beacn, 1888, My dear little Diamond :— ‘Am I havitig a good time? you ask. Well, I'll give you my campaign from my scorebook and let you Le umpire. I coaxed pa to come early so I could get my first innings at society's bat here, for 'tis here the choicest ‘‘ hits” do congregate. We got our position at centre-field in a swell little Queen Anne, and to judge from my presént fielding my score will be the leader. I pitched my first ball high, when I found the Duke of Wiles was signed for catcher of the American Beauties. I made three base-hits on rides with him be- fore the other girls got to first, and made two home-runs in one week by coaxing him up to the cottage for a quiet b. and s. Then I made the grand double-play of the season; Oldgold came to time sooner than I'd expected, and as I was more than halt afraid the duke would play foul if a richer girl took her innings, I played ’em both. Thus, you see, I got the ec/af attendant on the duke’s name, and the fun. out of Oldgold’s attentions— he never spares money when he’s on deck, you know, nor misses batting a ball that can hit a good time. I made two or three wild pitches between the two, and came near losing first-base hy taking an out with Mr. Dudling one day ; but I managed to score my points at the hop thatevening with both. _ in ter wunst I'll break every — — AT MOUNT DESERT. Ernet (to Cousin Jack, who has just arrived) —“*T've found this dear old boatman a perfect type "Tis of his class, and I want you to know and enjoy him as” BoaTMAN (éreaking in\—'* Here you, Silas! "f you don’t fetch that yer —— ———— — dory bone in yer — 1 stole a base on Fan Slowleigh by batting for her old poke of a lover’s favor in his “new and original play” of “Modest Maidens.” I slugged so well in my part as leading lady that I astonished myself, and as acting’s the next best thing to flirting, I enjoyed Fan’s raging glances immensely. He thinks I'm a regular sky-scraper for high-toned sentiments. Ha! ha! I pop- ped a fly to him one day, quoting from Shakespeare; but he sent a corker to centre with some lines from Horace Somebody, and I know I muffed, trying to look as if I understood them. I expect to get in some scattering hits next week on a batch of fly yachtsmen, and if I don’t fumble I shall down at least three of them that gave signs of being badly hit last year. But there’s the din- ner bell! I must slide to plate. Will send you an- other score card soon. Till then, Yours for the pennant, MADCAP WILDE, THE PATERNAL VIEW OF IT. “What a beautiful child!” exclaimed Miss De ush, As she gazed at the bun- dle of clothe “And you happy father think its the one Finest baby on earth, I suppose.” “Well, yes,” replied dad, ashe thought of the nights He had walked the cold floor in distress, +1 really must say, my De Gush, a howling aes aS NAG. BROWN, Th LENA 6. Bi A VAN \N When throats are parched ‘and tonsils dry, And homely ~ physics are defeated, pleasant to have friends who try To have the dryness — — carcass!” often treated. comicbooks.com