Judge, 1888 · page 19 of 72
Judge — 1888 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects short humorous sketches satirizing American social types and pretensions circa early 1900s. **Key satires:** - **"A Big Game"**: Mocks boastful exaggeration—Dumley's claimed high-stakes card game turns out to be solitaire, deflating his braggadocio. - **"A Trifle Handicapped"**: Robinson's poverty prevents accepting hospitality; his appetite exceeds his means (35 cents). - **"A Ruinous Increase in Stock"**: Tommy's puppies fail to sell, multiplying into financial burden—a play on "stock" (both animals and securities). - **"A Decided Refusal"**: An Italian count is rejected by an American woman unwilling to become a servant doing laundry for poverty wages—mocking both Old World aristocratic pretension and New World practicality. - **"A Mortifying Circumstance"**: Boston snobbery exposed when a guest finds the family's fancy façade hollow (no baked beans remaining—suggesting false hospitality). - **"Even Homer Nods"**: A defendant's pedantic legal interruption about classical history undermines judicial authority. Throughout: working-class struggle, social climbing, and deflated pretension.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
NATURAL GAS FROM JUDGE. 17 A BIG GAME. “These old poker stories, with big jack-pots and other chestnuts, make me tired,” said Dumley, wearily. “Wny, boys!" he went on, “I once played a game of cards for a hundred and fifty thousand dollars !” The crowd whistled, and one of them—a very young man—asked: “Was it poker, Mr. Dumley ?” “No,” replied Dumley; “it was solitaire.” A TRIFLE HANDICAPPED. Brown—* Robinson, will you take something ?” Robinson—*Thanks, no; I'm just going to dinner.” Brown—* Well, take an appetizer?” Robinson—*No; I've only got thirty-five cents in my pocket, and my appetite, as it is, is rather more than that amount will cover.” WORSE THAN DISEASE. Brown—*'m sorry to see you've got rheumatism again, Dumley. Now I can tell you what will cure it. Take twenty grains of "—— Dumley—(writhing with rheumatic pain)—‘ Rheumatism, my dear fellow? Why, 1 é haven't got rheumatism !” A RUINOUS INCREASE IN STOCK. Tommy gocs out to raise some money on his pups. Tommy after the first month. No pur- chaser yet. A DECIDED REFUSAL. Iraio pr Counte—"'So you will not be my wife, ch? Do you forget zat I am an Italian count?” Youxe AMERICAN—"O, no; I do not forget you are an Ialian count, but I do know that I was never brought up to make a dozen shir!s for thirty cents and do the washing for a large family !" A MORTIFYING CIRCUMSTANCE. Boston lady (to husband)—“I was so mortified to-day when Mrs. Bunker called, and so amazed at little Waldo !” Boston husband—* What did he do?” Boston lady—“Why, Mrs. Bunker complained of feeling a little faint, and on my going to the closet for a glass of wine and a trifle for her to eat, I discovered that Waldo had eaten every baked bean in the house.” GOING LIKE HOT CAKES. Friend (to young author)—" How is your book going off, Charley ?" Young author—" It’s going off fast. I've already been obliged to give away most of the first edition to my friends.” es dpe? That hardly pays. This is the first book you have had published isn’t it, harley?” Young author (bitterly) —“No ; it's my last.” EVEN HOMER NODS. Hezekiah Hilltop— Let me depart, your honor, for this time unpunished save in mercy, and the place that knows me now will know me no more forever.” Judge Puffy—No, Hezekiah. Like Lycurgus ‘upon his death-bed, who fixed his eyes upon his friends and bade them farewell, you must ”- H. H.—*Pardon the interruption; but Lycurgus couldn't ! Judge P. (astonished)—*‘And why not, sir?” ‘H. H.—* Because he was a one-eyed man.” Three months later. Hard luck. Judge P. (angered)—“ Ten days or ten dollars.” comicbooks.com