Judge — 1888 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NATURAL GAS FROM JUDGE. I know a girl of haughty mien, Of loveliness she is a queen ; An heiress she. « T saw her last nij A crowd of mei Paid her attentions ; THE MAN OF IT. New father—* No, | can't say the baby is very handsome, but it is a good young one.” Friend—"1 suppose it takes after you in disposition ? New father—* Yes, indeed ; and every one says it is the very picture of its mother.” OUT OF ORDER. Farmer Oatcake—* Hello, policeman! what sort 0’ swindle is that thing stuck on the lamp post?” Officer—* That’s the posht-oftice box, sor.” Oatcake—* It is,.ch? Why hang it! I dropped my nickel in the slot, but nary a stamp has come out. LOST HIS CUSTOMER. Hotel runner—* You come right along mit me. Dey vill starf you at dot obbosition house !” Traveler—''’Fraid 1 can't, mis- ter. I'm in trainin’ for a job as a living skeleton.” THE CHIEF REQUISITE. “Do all the great Americans drive canal boats wher young? If so, will all the canal boys who die young be great men in heav- en?” —Foreign exchange. When he went up above he knocked at he gate dence in his eye h (U.S ) as a billionaire He was honored by low and high. But Peter gave him a low-down seat, And said, *It'sa sad, sad trath, But I nowhere at all on your records find : ‘He drove a canal-boat in youth.’ ENCOURAGING THE BUSI- NESS. A thief was about to relieve a Wall street operator of his hand- kerchief, when a by-stander call- ed the latter’s attention to what was going on. “Let him alone,” said the broker, good - humoredly ; “we all have to begin in a small way down here.” DAUGHTER in your pockets ? APA. Dave Para there all the time after you have marri TeR—** Practising what ?" PREPARING FOR CONTINGENCIES. ‘apa, don't you know it is bad manners to put your hands “To put my hands in my pockets, for I shall have to keep them nd yet I She has a love. I worship blindly at her shrine, Her he: And, tho} She has a love. ght at the pl Mer love it is extraordinaire ; both young Her love, she wears it on her hair, t they Her love it isa bonnet rare— She has a love. That is her love. A THING ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID. Afiss Flowerbell—* Now, you are sure—quite sure—Mr, Fr man, you won't forget—you will send me ‘Owen Meredith’ Lefore to-morrow 2” Freshman (anxious to air his uncertain Latin)—* Send, indeed! Pll bring itm puris naturalitus, you know. IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER. e court, Prisoner—‘‘ 1 admit that in 1870 | was 1875 for forgery ; and in 1881 I killed my Judge (abstractedly)—* Well! go on In an as ntenced for theft, in her and sister.” THE RETORT DISCOURTEOUS. rwo Germans in / d by a field where a p sowing. “Sow away, old chap,” said one of them; “when the grain is ripe it will be our soldiers who will eat it.” “T shouldn't wonder if they did,” replied the peasant, ‘as it happens to be a field of oats. You fellows don't know what wheat tastes like.” FORCE OF HABIT. Gruggins, a barber, was called to shave a corpse. After he had ’ finished with the razor even the undertaker was shocked to hear / him say, * Shampoo, sir?” COMFORT ON THE BRIDGE. Jaggs (of Brooklyn)—*This is the first time I ever managed to get across the bridge without having the life half squeezed out of me.” Bobley—* Indeed | Better train service now ?” Joggs—" Well. no. I walked.” No, my dear ; I am only practising.” The north pole must bea para- fed the dude you are engaged to.” dise if it be a no-pun sea. comicbooks.com