Judge — 1888 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NATURAL GAS FROM JUDGE. ONLY THE FRAMEWORK. Finsr rarty—" Say, Jones, who is that tall, angular and extremely thin woman talking to Bicks 2” Secony rarty—* Why, that’s his wife.” First party—' You don't say so! Well, I think if I were Bicks I would have her upholstered.” A WEAK MEMBER. Reporter — “Mr. Sullivan, did anything of moment happen on your trip from Liverpool ?” Mr. John L. Sullican— Yes, my right arm gave out again.” Reporter — “What were you doing at the time?” Mr. John L. Sullivan — rib- ing my fight with Mitchell.” “WATER” INCREASES THE STOCK'S VALUE. Bobley—“ Tom, can’t you lend me your umbrella? It’s raining.” Gagley—" Sorry. Can't go into the umbrella trust while the stock’s watered.” ALL THE MATERIAL FOR A FIGHT. “T understand three European nations came near getting into a squabble this morning.” “How was that?” “ Brown said he saw an Italian organ-grinder playing the Bou- langer march in front of a Ger- man beer-saloon.” MIGHT MAKE SOME DIFFER- ENCE. Theatrical manager—*Why, sit» this play won't go at all, Every character in the piece is killed in the first act. That's absurd !” Playwrighi—* No, it isn't. You don't know what actors I’ve got in mind for the parts.” “H'm! h’m!” ejaculated Jones while glancing over the morning paper; “I know I am not well posted in physiology, but when it comes to reading that a man was ‘shot in his saloon,’ a ‘boy mort- ally hurt in the alley,’ and ‘aw man injured on the back-stairs, I may us well own up to com- plete ignorance of those parts of the anatomy.” HE SURPRISED H. AMATEUR CoNToRTIONIST—"*Now, Billy, when I goes into dis barril, you just turn it over and I'll come out of the other end.” HER REQUEST. + Are you posted, Volapuk 2" The gushing m: id, As she looked into her lover's eyes ‘And tossed her pretty head, “Cold English words but half express The volumes of our love ; Let's talk the universal vole And say, dh-goo! Ak-gov!”" He loudly laughed, and tried to treat Her language as'a joke, And stole a kiss from off her lips ; She sighed, AAarlie ah-wok !” He woke indeed. and looked her o'er, Then swiftly from her fled— And now she longs for English warmth: Cold Volapuk is dead! HE WAS NO HORSE. She—"John, don’t you think the horse needs a new harness? Smith has an elegant one for sixty dollars,” He— Sixty dollars for a new harness! Why, I don’t spend to exceed thirty-five dollars for a whole new suit.” She—* Yes ; | know, John ; but you're na horse.” HAD SIZED HER UP. Madame is scolding her cook. “It really seems impossible now-a-days to get decent help.” “ Quite true; and if madame her- self were a servant she'd be dis- charged even quicker nor me.” A woman in Mississippi fell in- to deep water, and not only didn’t drown but came out with a ten- pound fish in her bustle. It isn’t much of a story. The only won- der is that, being a pretty as well asa determined woman, she did’nt land a whale. Washington has a woman’s bi- cycle club, and if the club ever goes out on dress parade there will be such an adjournment of congress as will make the nation’s head swim. comicbooks.com