Judge — 1888 — page 45: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. 39 AN UNCIVIL STRANGER. Mr. Suavcunessy (returning from a wake)—‘‘Did Oi do it? Av coorse Oi did it Oi to Bhrooklyn bridge tree toimes, an’ divil the wurrud axed the putty faced baboon th’ way he'd anshwer me. Faith Oi’ll lave it to his two frinds there, so Oi will. mother’s probably cleaned it, Bob, which accounts for the shrinkage.” “No, she hasn’t, Pop ; the trout’s got all the baggage with him he ever had, and I had the butcher weigh him.” “Oh, he hain’t got no scales’ to weigh trout with. He ain't no fish- erman, the butcher ain’t.” “But our own scales only made him weigh two pounds and a half, Pop.” “Eh ?—what? Gracious! I hadn't any idea trout’s shrunk like that, Bob. You must have made a mistake, and the butcher, too.” “No, we didn’t, Pop. weigh him yourself.” The thing was getting tiresome to old Parker, now, and he blurted out : “Oh, I don’t care what he weighs now. I only know what he did weigh yesterday. Now clear out, and let me tead in peace.” Hopeful, from his point of retreat, the doorway, switched suddenly from mundane ground to celestial. “There won't no fishermen go to heaven, Pop—” “Clear out!” roared his dad, “or ’ll—” “Cause Ma says the Bible says no i” Old Parker bounced to a perpendic- ular, but Bob bounded away like a black-tail buck of the Bad Lands, the Come and OLD PARKER'S TROUT. Old Parker, deep in the leading editorial of the Bungstarter. Young Hopeful, ready to interview him, as usual. “Pop, what d’you say that trout weighed you ketched yesterday ?” “Four pounds, three ounces and three- quarters, Bob. It’s a whacker, isn’t it? That was the exact weight when taken out of the water.” “Do trouts go back on themselves, Pop, when they’re ketched?” “Go back on themselves ! mean by that, Bob?” “Do they tumble.a pound or two apiece over night?” “Lose that much in weight, I s'pose you mean? Bless you, no. They shrink some in weight, I s’pose, of course.” What do you “How much had a four-pound-three- ounces-and-three-quarters trout oughter lose, Pop, ‘tween last night and now?” “Oh, the odd ounces, perhaps.” “No more’n that? Then some one’s been here and played roots on us, Pop, and took our trout and left a snide,” “‘Nonsense, Bob.” “‘Nonsense nothing, Pop. The trout that’s out there now don't weigh only two pounds and seven ounces. Why don't you come out and look at him, an’ see 'f he’s yourn. Would you know the one you ketched, Pop, by sight?” “Know him? of course—know him any- where.” “«Come and look at this one, then, ’cause some one’s played a snide on us, Pop.” “Nonsense, I tell you again. |Your “WAKE AND CALL ME EARLY, BRIDGET.” Master or THE House—“I wish you would call me early to-morrow morning, Bridget.” BriwceT—‘So I will, sur, if ye’s ‘ll wake me up.” sire settling down to the pabulum offered by his favorite paper, the Bungstarter. St Stoxum. Ay | Wito Swett—‘'Do you dance this evening, Miss Caroline?” Oxp Marn—“ Oh, with pleasure,” Swett—“ With whom?” —FHiegende Blactter. AN HONEST MURDER. “ Divine Lucretia,” said the Slimmest of all Slims, kneeling to the cold and satirical Belle of Newport. “I love you to distrac- tion, to madness. Will not- my life’s devo- tion touch your heart?” The music of the Belle’s tongue was silent. “Woe is me!” saidS. “Have I come to the river of beauty, and must I die of thirst upon its bank? Lovely murderess !” “Nay, nay,” a shadow of a smile passed overthe Belle’sface. “I cannot murder you.” “Heaven reward you for that word of pity,” cried S., pressing the Belle’s hand in his too closely. “Nay,” said the Belle, frowning, ‘I said I cannot murder you. For you are so thin that I should have to kill five such men as you to make one honest murder.” Wirtram Wasusurn. & Clear Complezien! more boxes. cai 46 Your Couruexios WArEsS have » New York. How Beautiful!!! : have done for st what I wished.” A lady writes : “Your Warmns a1 A lady on og See tae wrtes: MTcanmerce Sane rocettteny To ve if re soawi ts young lady i four Warexs the torment of my re 44 tid: send me two .SrechlasP” To be hadonty of TAS. P. comicbooks.com