Judge, 1888 · page 46 of 87
Judge — 1888 — page 46: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces from Judge magazine: **"The Tramp"** tells of a vagrant so broken he literally dies when offered work—mocking society's treatment of the poor and suggesting that some have lost all will to live or participate in productive society. **"To the Last Street Car at Midnight"** humorously portrays an exhausted commuter pleading with a departing streetcar to wait, though he's broke and will have to walk home anyway. The satire targets the frustrations of urban transit and working-class struggle in turn-of-the-century America. **"Fertile in Expedients"** jokes about a politician's solution to keeping his wife from attending society events: having a doctor prescribe a porous plaster for her back—crude medical devices were apparently prescribed liberally as "cures." **"The Wrong Preposition"** is a visual pun: a boil-covered man insists he's not "broken up" but rather broken *out*. The overall tone reflects Judge's satirical commentary on American social conditions, urban life, and period medical practices.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. THE TRAMP. tramp Sat still, oh, sat still, oh, sat still, ob! And the ground was all sedgy, and muddy, and damp, ill he sat still, oh, sat still, ob! That he once had been rich you would never suppose, For he hadn't been, Red was the end of his nose, | And of rents there were plenty within his old | clothes, But still he sat still, oh, sat still, oh! But ‘Though he brushed his soiled arm o'er his grimy old face, Yet still he sat still, ob, sat still, oh! And fixed his sad gaze on some far-away place, Yet still he sat still, ob, sat still, oh! «Is it weakness of legs, you old fellow ?"” I cried, “Ora lack of hot rum in your dry old inside?” But not the least sign of a word he replied, But still he sat still, ob, sat still, ob ! “Old tramp, you must die!” then I urgently said, While still he sat still, oh, sat still, oh! “Come, now, take a grave in the river's moist bed!” Yet still he sat still, oh, sat still, oh! Then he said to me, giving his head a slow shake, That to straight and pure water he never could take- Not to mention the matter again for his sake, And still he sat still, oh, sat still, oh! I felt disappointed, but, nevertheless, While still he sat still, oh, sat still, oh! I wanted to know why he there, I confess, Sat still, ob, sat still, oh, sat still, oh ! So I said, “Walking Lad?” and he trembled and sighed, ‘Then a pause, and with cheerfullest hope I replied, «+L will give you some work!" He just laid down and died, Quite still, oh, real still, oh, real still, oh! Now the moral we find to this tragical tale TO THE LAST STREET CAR AT MIDNIGHT. BY ONE WHO WAS THERE. Rott on, thou Car, roll on! O'er leagues of iron track Rolf on! What though I cannot hire a hack? What though I'm *‘broke”—except five cc: 5° What though to suburb resi-dence— Nine miles- I'll have to walk me hence? Never you mind! Roll’on! Roll on, thou Car, roll on! At swilt 2.40 gait Roll on! It matters not if 1 am late; IfI bawl “stop!” "till 1 am hoarse, It matters not to you, of course; So keep right on—thou last resource ! Never mind me/ Roll on! Roll on, thou Car, roll on! Through Winter's freezing air Roll on! It’s true I've no top-coat to wear; It’s true the “LL” don't run my way; It's true to trudge home won’t be gay— But don’t let that disturb you, pray! Never you mind! Roll‘on! [ The bobtait rolled on.) J. E. Fercuson. Is, do not sit still, oh, sit still, oh! You may worry or anger, may weep or may wail, But do not sit still, oh, sit still, oh! Go walk if you must, or go ride if you pay, Orif you're a bird, fly along, don’t delay— And this you will find the American way, To never sit still, oh, sit still, oh! “Duvvy"” Morcan SsaTH. FERTILE IN EXPEDIENTS. Orrice-HoLpER (to old henchman)—‘‘And | how do you like Washington?” Potrtician (equivocally)—Oh, very well. The only trouble is that since I came here I have lost my wife’s society altogether. She spends all her time at the balls and recep- tions.” Orrice-HoLper (reminiscently)—‘“That’s A HORSE-CHESTNUT. the way I used to feel. But why don’t you do as I did?” Pourtictan (anxiously) —“ And how is that?” Orricz-HotpER (confi- dentially)—“Easiest thing in the world, my boy. If you want to keep her out of society, just have your family physician order her to wear a porous plaster on the small of her back.” THE WRONG PREPO- SITIO! Broxer(to friend whose face is covered with plas- ter)—“ What's the matter, my boy; you look all ‘broke up’?” Frienp (troubled with boils)—“Oh, no; I’m all broke out.” PAT’S CORNUCOPIA. BENEVOLENT OLD GEN TLEMax (setting them up) —‘‘My poor man, you seem to enjoy the good things of this world.” Tramp (pouring out eight fingers) Yis, sorr; Oi belave in the hor-rn of plinty.” 1ONED EAR DRUMS Pee. cs Tes Hasuive und perferen te work of the rome ted leery Puc. Ait scorer dees te . esata FREE, "Rétren 7.15005, 853 Breateny, CURE 0 DEAF ‘hook with tectimontaly, How could Lawrence Barrett? What did Whitelaw Reid? Where did Cleveland? Where did J. Fennimore Cooper? What did Geofiry Chaucer? “A clear com me A eset re pene corer 72 “se CLRAR COMPLEXION INSURED! ‘Anather lady anys: “Ip using your Axstoc Wares for my com- . Punexpectedly found them of great benefit and com- Rortto sttacks of Hay Fever, to which f'nave been amartyr.= Only Depot, 246 West 26th Street, N. Y. Free Consultation daily to six P.M. comicbooks.com