Judge, 1888 · page 44 of 87
Judge — 1888 — page 44: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains four separate humorous pieces satirizing Victorian-era social conventions: **"College Re-visited"**: A young student hides his sister in a closet when an unexpected visitor arrives, fearing scandal. The elderly visitor—a former student—discovers the dress hem, assumes illicit behavior, and dismisses the boy's protest ("That's my sister, sir!") as the "same old lie," implying such excuses were routine cover-ups a half-century prior. The joke mocks both the student's prudishness and the cynicism of older generations. **"A Lawyer's Son"**: Young Tommy uses legalistic reasoning to escape punishment, confessing to breaking a window while simultaneously threatening perjury—satirizing either the boy's precocious immorality or society's legal absurdities. **"Natural Conclusion"**: Dark humor about vaccination: observers see vaccinated corpses with tied arms and assume they died of smallpox, missing that vaccination *prevents* the disease. **"At the Ball"**: A sentimental woman sighs nostalgically about past romance, only to learn the man she loved is now married—mocking outdated romantic sentimentality. The page emphasizes hypocrisy, changing morals, and social pretense typical of Gilded Age satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. COLLEGE RE-VISITED. E was a guileless college youth, ‘That mirrored modesty and truth; And sometimes at his musty room His sister called, to chase the gloom. One afternoon, when she was there, ~ Arranging things with kindly care, As often she had done before, There came a knock upon’ the door. Our student, sensitive to fears Of thoughtless comrades’ laughing jeers, Had only time to make deposit Of his dear sister in a closet; Then haste the door to open wide, His guest unbidden stepped inside. He was a cheery-faced old man, And with apologies began For calling, and then let him know That more than fifty years ago, When he was in his youthful bloom, He'd occupied that very room; So thought he'd take the chance, he said, To see the changes time had made. “The same old window, same old view— Ila, ha! the same old pictures, too!” And then he tapped them with his cane, And laughed his merry laugh again. “The same old sofa, I declare! Dear me! It must be worse for wear, The same old shelves!’ - And then he came And spied the closet door. ‘The same— Oh, my!” A woman's dress peeped through. Quick as he could he closed it to. He shook his head. “Ah! ah! the same Old game, young man; the same old game!” « Would you my reputation slur?"? ‘The youth gasped: ‘ That's my sister, sir!” “Ah!” said the old man, with a sigh, “The same old lie—the same old lie !"" Grorce Birpszye. A LAWYER'S SON. Fatner—“ Tommy, if you confess that you broke that win- Jow I will-not punish you this time.” Tomsy—If I confess that I broke it I’lltell a lie, andif I don’t say that I did it I'll get licked. I guess I'd better say I did it and throw myself on the mercy of the court.” NATURAL CONCLUSION, “Say, I wonder what dat man died wid?” “Why, small-pox, of course.” “How dyer know?” “Why, ‘cause! can't yer see they have all got their arms tied up? They’ve been vaccinated so dey would’nt ketch the disease.” AT THE BALL She sighed “Ah, me!” with old-time grace. She sat bedecked in silk and lace, And coyly trifled with her fan, ‘As thought and conversation tan To: simpler times passéd on apace. She sighed, “Ah, me!” And, gazing archly in my face, She blushed, recalled that trysting place Where in the dell a brooklet ran— She sighed, «244, me/” But, ah, what in a decade's space The changes wrought in man and place! ‘And since that early phase began And ended I'm another man. So, when I said, ‘I'm married, Grace!” She sighed, Au, me!” R. C. Lewis. ARSENIC COMPLEXION WAFERS, = srAnother say “1 pald ¢r00 see ae { Professor’ who ‘guaranieed” to remove moth and freckles tiade me worse t am ir WarExs with the most pleasiny using you nthe most pleasing and last Iheard of the * he Pats P. ae rate. Mr Ds iq® Weat 18th Street, New York. Deere comicbooks.com