Judge — 1888 — page 43: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE. HARD TIMES. CHESTNUTS FROM Bangor, Maine. On this tremendous rail- way there should be hundreds of iron-clad cars armed with Krupp guns. If an attack should be made on any part of the coast, tush a few cars down and blow the ships out of the water, and then disperse again in an orderly manner. _I confess this belt rail- way looks reasonable. It would do away with forts ; in fact, the forts would do patrol duty. Yes, expensive, of course ; but look at that horrible surplus, and beer only five cents. : Iam giving a great deal of thought to Judson Hennessy’s repeating shell. He says he has annihilated distance with his shell. Justshow him the direction of a shi and he will hit it. Distance makes no dif- ference. He fires a shell, say five miles; then it explodes and fires a smaller shell five miles further ; then that explodes and fires a smaller shell five miles further, and so on until the last shot away over near Queens- town will be a pistol ball. Take that idea in its immensity, and figure out the distance in time between New York and Queens- town, and an enemy will be dead twelve hours before he knows hostilities have com- menced. I hope Tilden will think of this. The rotary fort, something like the naval inven- tion of Ericsson, is not new. It is to pre- sent only a flanged surface to the enemy, like a water-wheel, and the cannon balls of the enemy will only whirl it in a pleasant manner and the troops will ride around and kill time until the foe uses up his ammuni- tion. Discipline must be maintained in the army, and this is too luxurious an inven- tion for soldiers on thirteen dollars a month. Prof. Maginnis, of our institute, has a V- shaped armor for forts, which will carry , : » then to a common center, where they drop T guess T haf my boy's hair cut, into a spout, are carried away in a trough to the mortar, and are fired back at the enemy. “Ha!” said he, “ Professor! this defence of our whole coast will be an awful job.” = First Dutcuman—‘‘ Jake, vat you going to gif your son for a birt-day bresent?” Szconp Do.—“I don’d know; it’s putty hard times. I guess | haf some buddons sewed on his clothes.” First Do.—* Yes, dat's so. Yes,” said 1; “1 have heard it called a job before.” “But,” said he, with a child-like smile, * there is iron enough in this country, and brass enough in Congress, to do most anything.” Anyone having original ideas for sale on fortifications or coast lines, send them on. If these inventions do not use up an enemy TIM’S OPINION. nN—‘ It’s a noice day, ain’t it, sur?” (No answer.) day, ain't it?” Memser or THE Bar—‘“ I’m a lawyer and never give my opinion unless paid for it.” intleman. That's me opinion, an’ Tim—" Well, yez may be a lawyer, but yez be no gi! divil a cent do Oi charge for it aither.” Oi say, sur; it’s a foine they will use up the surplus. illions for coast defence; not one cent for tribute. Pror. Gouce, LL.D. THE WAY OF THE MAID. Deserted is the bird encaged, Loving though be the hands that bound her; Shunned is the maiden when engaged” Has thrown its sacred glamour ‘round her. We played at tennis, climbed the hills, ‘And drifted on the bay together; She tutored me in sighs and thrills, I taught her how to steer and feather. The boating bored her, she forgot The management of oar and rudder, And took to riding—but my lot Was still to sigh and still to shudder. While she, unrufiled and sedate, Rode, boated, read devoid of passion, Most naturally filled her plate, And voted Byron out of fashion. And yet, she seemed to favor me, And so, when autumn, ruddy-fingered, Had bidden fifty lovers flee, Mindless of fate I fondly lingered. Lingered to find her tender-eyed.— «Happy my path ere you had cross‘d it;"— “Have you no heart?” I reckless cried, She only blushed, and said, ‘I've lost W.J.L A Clear and Brilliant Complexion! To retain, regain or acquire ii MPI AFERS, yrecilea blobs Pimples ahd siherdiaoparemen aaiscppear ike dsm Welore te sor, from their use." 1,000 Gficlency aod perfect safety. Price so cents and g: per box. ONLY DEPOT, 146 West 16th Street, New York. I as to thelr efficie comicbooks.com