Judge — 1888 — page 42: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. OUR NATIONAL DEFENCES. Some Curious Speculations by our Chief Invent- ive Genius—What to do with the Surplus. , HILE our country is tom with the , throes of labor and capital, and o'er the tumult of sur- face railways and underground | tele- graphs, we hear the resonant voice of Tilden coming oe a body thin J enough, when seen 5 edgewise, for the SF official board of a cemetery company, raised in warning in regard to our Rae o coast defences, we awake from a dream of security to discover that the most of our coast-line is right along by the sea, where it is liable to be washed away or bombarded by a foreign foe. Our ports, which ought to be where they could be carried in nights, are right close to the water, exposed to malarious influences. With land as cheap as it is with us, we ought to move our forts further inland or defend them at the point of th= muzzle, Suppose, for instance, England should take up what I said last Spring about the Prince of Wales, and come over, as she did only a hundred years ago, and commence to reel up our coast line. How easily she could come up the Hudson and burn our ice-houses, and sack Schenectady, and throw the street cars off the track and smash things generally. O, so much easier than she did ¢hen/ But if anybody thinks we aa ee Eee ae alsuieat the Ven nai’ $Y, boss, they is artellin’ me ye're collectn’ odd things and relics, Now here's a erinary and Pyrotechnic Institute has been at my uncle wore, and he committed suicide into it—so did me only brother. Now flooded with diagrams and inventions for ef you'd like to add it to yer collec-shun, you may have it for a square meal and an coastdefences until the back yard looks like | ld hat of a later fashion. “Is it a go?” a sash-and-blind factory in acyclone. The '~ Saas blackboard is all broken out with curves and angles and bastions and parapets till you cannot rest. The most stupendous idea is that of W. Harrison Smith, of Spooner’s Corners. It is known as the siphon defence. You, of course, understand the action of a siphon. Put one end of it in a basin of water, place the other end lower than the water in the basin, then exhaust the air and the water will run through the siphon until A CRITICAL MOMENT. it empties the dish. The name of Smith will be immortal through this invention being applied to harbor defence. For instance, take New York Bay. Arrange a system of gates at the Narrows, East River, Coney Island and New Jersey: Then let the arrogant foe come up the bay all so bold and gay, and then when the tide goes out start your immense siphon. In the morning that fleet would be lying on bare ground, and the sailors would walk ashore and climb up on the Battery to sell their ships for old junk. Expensive, I grant it; but look at the surplus in the treasury, and if there is anything that will make a Dem- ocrat sick it is a surplus. Besides, this invention could be built as soon as the De Lesseps canal, and that is soon enough. Rovgh on the fish, of course; but they would get used to it, and when they heard the gates close they would start for blue water. Then quite a feasible project was started by Agamemnon Jones, of Ohio. He has distinguished himself in the periodicals of late by essays showing how the battle of Bull Run was lost. It was because he was not there. He showed me a das coy and projection of what he called the Military and Naval Belt Railway. The system was When sitting by two fascinating young ladies, your opera hat between your knees, | to comprise a complete railway from Asto- holding your coffee cup in your left hand and in your right the toast, you all at once, oh | ria down the Pi coast, around the Gulf \orror feel that you must sneeze.—Fhiegende Blaetter. of Mexico, and up the Atlantic coast to Youthful Complexion, Youthful Appearance, Almost Youth Itself ay insured by a faltful use of Arsenic Complexion Waters. Over 1,009 testimonials aa to their efficiency and perfect safety. Sent by mal to Sddreos on receipt of $1. Address JAS. Pr CAMPBELL, M.D, © English Chemist” 148 Weet 16th Strece, NV, Discancs of Womes « Specialy comicbooks.com