Judge — 1888 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

28 CHESTNUTS “FROM IT WAS GREAT SOAP. | Mrs. O'Brrex (with an eye for a bargain)— ‘*An’ ye sez this is the bist shoap in the mar- ket?” Peppuer (figuring up his commission)—""Yes, ma'am.” Mrs. O'Brien (criti- cally)—“An’ ye’s shure it bates oul the rist?” Proper (settling the matter)—‘‘Oh, yes. ma’am. It knocks the spots out of every- thing.” CONSOLING A wIDow. In a western mining camp a miner had met with an accidental death, and the boys elected one of his late mates to convey to the bereaved widow the condolence of the camp. The delegate, a rough, AN OLD PROVERB. “NEVER LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH ” ing to contract, with lots of mortar, all the modern conveniences, a French cook on the ground floor anda mes- senger call in the back yard, we'd rather go to Africa and dry up with the country than tack our young existence and that of our step- father to the tail-end of aman’slife just because he had grown wise in being over-foolish. SHE COULDN'T JUDGE. They tell of a meet- ing between George ones and Whitelaw eid, and the conversa- tion that thereupon en- sued. “Huh!” Jones. “Scat!” Reid. “Well,” said the apple- said Mr, said Mr. brusque fellow,was any thing but thoughtful, and he dived right into his subject as soon as he entered the widow's cabin. “LT reckin, mum,” said he, ‘‘es how Bill must a bin pow’ful glad to die, fur it seems to me as how death would be a great relief toa man who's been blowed up by blastin’ powder.” “Where are the temperance men?” asks a correspondent of the Rochester Democrat. ‘Sh! Just gone around the corner to sleep it off. Mary Anderson's brother, who is at pres- ent chasing Texas steers and his health round a western ranch for a living, says he doesn’t think Mary will ever marry, but that she affects elderly men, men who have gone through the saw-mill of experience and come out bald-headed and cynical, men whose youthful passions for the gilded | burlesques of life have given way to the soulful yearnings of intellect and the wis- dom of advancing years. Mary may be right; but if we were a girl, a real nice, good looking girl, a girl built strictly accord- — woman who witnessed the collision, “if thim’s what you call con- servators of public opinion, I feel as if 1 was a good deal conserved myself.” Country papers are now discussing “ the | situation in the Balkans” with a breadth | and freedom of treatment worthy of a col- ored circus-poster. Gertrupe: You need not be alarmed about the new type-setting machine abolish- ing compositors. Your printer-beau is in | no danger. No one can invent a machine that will do the setting up matter for you. 3 oy Gentle exercise before breakfast is very invigorating. P. S,—Paste this in your wife’s bonnet. Artists, journalists, and persons of like sedentary habits, should exercise great cau- tion as to the richness of their diet. HEALTH HINTS. FM Howantn: Persons musically inclined should never indulge in the shower-bath, as too sudden a shock of water is apt to impair their ten- derness toward the adoration of the muses. Poets should never bring poems to this office, as the atmosphere therein is gener- ally very detrimental to that branch of the human family. Members of the dramatic fraternjty will find pedestrianism very beneficial both in their professional and domestic duties. Arsenic Gomplexion Wafers, Lind your Wafers most beneficial.” St. me.” Paw ling, N. Y., lady writes : “I hear on every hand your Ws +“ Your Wafers are evidently a good 5 146 Weat x6th Street, New York terms; send box,” lad: fobs had only of JAS. P. CAMPBELL, M.D. Louis lady writes : ** My sister {s very much pleased with your ‘of in the ase ma a comicbooks.com