Judge — 1888 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TECUMSEH'S WISDOM. General Sherman's advice to a young | letter-writer : My bear youxc rriexp: I remember your father well. Cross your eyes—dot your t's—mind your facts—sift your dates—never write in a hurry. Yours in haste, W. T.S. P. S.—On second thought. when you have written your letter, burn it ““Whe-e have the homely girls gone?” asks an exchange. To a man who is at all familiar with Philadelphia this is the most superfluous of all questions. There are five (5,000 000) million people in this country already in training to suc- ceed the late Josh Billings—in orthography, not in wit. | x PRI ENCE STOUT. FL PRuvaTe TAGES _ <j IN CHURCH AND OUT. dn. O, Lord, we pray thee end the drought ‘That's parching all the grain, Aud, of the goddness of thy heart, Pour down a copious rain. Out. 0, my; look here, its raining hard ! TU spoil my nice new feather! Tcan’t sce what's the sense of this Real nasty, dirty weather! . Moral. Ti’s a wise woman knows her own mind. G. C. Dovers., | house. | coat-of-arms.” CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. | BRASS MOUNTED. Sr. Peter (at the celestial gate)— Don't think you can get in.” Oxuto Man—“All right. where I put up.” “Not afraid of sheol, eh?” “Not much, I was born and raised in Hamilton county.” Not particular | Acontemporary tells of a theatrical man- ager who thinks pretty women in tights are not the only thing that will fill a theatre. No, indeed ; we have seen pretty men in tights fill a large part of it—and deucedly ugly some of them were, too. Is not Mrs. Schilling aware that she mar- | tied her Ernest for wheel or whoa? The greatest of newspaper achievements is'the ability to lie about them. | | Awake, L see its fairy shape. . Itdances in my dreams with graceful sweep, | Now unconfined, it charms; anon, amid | Acloud of fleecy white ’tis almost hid. Some lovers prize a damsel’s eyes or hair | Above all else, white others will declare That beauty’s dearest semb! A neck of snowy whiteness | Wherein love has a dimple set: an ear | Lined with the faintest pink, blue-veined and clear ; | A cheek whose satin surface is imbued | With rose and lily; or lips cherry-hued. ‘These charms are powerful, I must confess ; Tut one fo me more potent 1 address: My Daphne's foot. Awake, I see its fairy shape. Asleep, It dances in my dreams with graceful sweep ! ‘The love-sick prince whom Cinderella sought, And with a dainty shoe a princess caught, Saw such a shape in all its beauty and. | Its native witchery could not withstand. Were La king, with undisputed sway, My crown and honors at this foot V'd lay | And regnancy for regency resign. | But what untoward fate, alas, is mine! Isce another form that forebodes harm— | A shape that conjures up a wild alarm— A something fitted with power measureless— foul aim you well can guess: Her father’s boot! s, -y IT'S ENGLISH, YE KNOW. Mrs. Grixouan—I hear, Mr. Growler, youhave been making complaints about my: I wish you to understand, sir, that it is conducted on the best English style.” Growier—*That’s the trouble. I can't sleep on a pillow that is the Prince of Wales’ Mrs. Grixpuas—‘* What do you mean, sir?” Grower—" Why, they are made up of | three feathers! Ha! ha! he,he, haw, haw!” | Stop up the hole in the back fence. |__—ss ARSENIC COMPLEXION WarFrmns. | ‘The disease expelling, blood disinfecting, beauty restoring, and youth recalling remedy of the age: safe : he had only of JAS. P. CAMPBELL, ENGLISH CHEMIST, 146 West 16th Strest, New York. comicbooks.com