Judge — 1888 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. JUNE. | RIGHTLY SERVED. The spirit of the south wind calls To tell us June is here ; His voice in whispered music falls Upon our willing ear, A promise fair of fruit and flowers He bears upon his wings ; And golden, sunny suinmer hours His coming to us brings. ach bud he stops to kiss 7 iceman goes his rounds, And leaves a bit of ice like this [] ‘And charges for ten pounds. Frep H. Curtiss. Vigilance is the price of liberty | —with a: liberal reduction for | cash, | Board for cats can be obtained in London for thirty-five cents a week. But cats in our neighbor- | hood get bored for much less. Philosophy asks, “Will the! coming man drink?” Barkeeper (who knows him all over) answers, | “Bet yourhead. The only ques- tion is, will he pay?” A contemporary reports that a doctor recently found a case of measles on the street. We hope | he took it beyond the corporation | limits before he opened it. PayinG-TELLER—‘‘I don’t know | that you're the man whose name | isonthischeck. You'll have tobe! identified before I can give: you| the money.” i ‘ Pat—Oidentifoyed is it? Sure] S2—"Think them nice? No! Indeed I do not; why that youngest Simpson girl paints, I thin cast ye oye on this bit av a know she does, because "—— fotygraf an’ y'll see it's meself| Voice From THE DooR—‘‘Say'! Sis, the druggist says he is all out of that kind of rouge, but he entoirely.” ays he has another kind just as good. Shall I get that?” PROOF CONCLUSIVE. THEY ALL HAVE IT. I gota watch. It came with a new suit of clothes I bought. The salesman said that most people seemed to think these watches required a good deal of winding, but it was all a mistake about that. All 1 would have to do would be to wind her a litle every time I thought of it. I wound the watch off and on nearly all da In the afternoon I began to grow weary. I wondered whether I was gaining on the watch or the watch was gaining on me. I decided in favor of the watch. ‘Then I went home and brought out my fishing pole. Taking off my multiplication reel, I began to turn. At nine o'clock she was wound up. _ ‘‘ Nothing but ” said I, ‘‘could accomplish such a result.”. Then I went to bed. ck. tick, went the watch under my pillow. I moved it down to the foot of the bed. ‘Tick, tick, tick, went the watch at the foot of the bed. ‘Then I put it in my shoe and stuffed my socks down on top of it. No use; still I heard the tick. Once more I crept out of bed. This time I was mad. I picked up the shoe and put it in the closet. ‘Then I piled up all my clothes on top of it, locked the door, and moving the bed into the far- thest corner of the room lay down again. ‘This time,” said I, “I con- quer,” and I chuckled to myself. But it wasn’t any use; there was the tick again Suddenly a brilliant idea struck me, 1 brought forth the watch from the closet. "I tied it to a string and hung it out of the window and crept into bed exultant, and was soon fast asleep. I was awakened by some one loudly knocking at the door. _ “Griggs,” said the voice of the man who had the room under mine, “ Griggs, if you don’t get that accursed watch away from my window in three minutes, by heavens, Griggs, I'll kill you!” I hauled the watch up. The day was breaking. After breakfast I took it over to the violinist across the way. I begged him with tears in my eyes to acceptit from measa gift. It would, I said, bea fitaccompaniment to his instrument. He took it, and that day I moved. T. M. “What would you take for this cold?” inquired Hulsapple, addressing his wife through the medium of his nose. ‘If it were mine I think I'd let it go cheap,” was the reply. ‘“Well,” suggested “{ulsapple, clawing around on the medicine shelf, “perhaps you would, but I shan’t let it go | short of a little mint.” Ps “S THEY LIVE ON POI. Moruer—“Sure that ain't yer father walking home so| FeMate questioxer—‘‘Tell me, what is the principal article of food early?” among the people where you have been Mr. Harwood?” Mixe—“Och, devil a bit’ Fadder always ro//s down | Returnep AFRICAN Missionary—‘ Poi, Miss Celeste.” whin he gits to that hill.” | Femare questioner—‘‘Aren’tthey troubled with dyspepsia, Mr. Harwood?” D? ( Ql 39 & 41 West 26th Street, New York. $3.50 per Day. ) _t Turkish, Electric and- Roman Baths, and Massage. Sena for Circulars. comicbooks.com