Judge — 1888 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. 1. He—‘Please, mum, can: { see the gentleman of the house?” THEY ALL DO IT. Mrs, Brows (indignantly)—“ All this talk | about the inferiority of women is sheer fudge. Here’s a writer who says that a woman isn’t as good as a man just because she can't jump on a horse-car when it’s in motion.” Brown (disgusted) —" Well, isn’t that 80?” Mrs. Brown (evasively)—“Yes; but that’s only sophistry. You know very well it is because of the clothes she wears.” Brown (snecringly)—‘‘ Not a bit of it, my dear. It’s because she always grabs the dash-board instead of the hand-rail.” POSTHUMOUS FECUNDITY. Merritt (solicitously)— ‘‘What makes ‘Why, Spriggins, my favorite poet, has just died, and L'il never again have the opportunity of reading any of his poems.” Merrrrt (reassuringly)—“Never_ fear about that, my dear. All the magazines in the country will keep on publishing poems. of his until some other poet dies and gets talked about.” DOING WELL. Mrs. Grapy(through the hole in the back fence) —“*An’ how yerson, Moike,ezwint wist fur his health, gittin’ along at-all at all?” Mrs. O'Brien (tak- ing theclothes-pin out of her mouth)-"S did, me dear, He must be gittin’ sthrong es an ox, fur 's jist sent me a lit- terin which hesezhe’s been after holding up a stage in the Rucky mountains, an’ aul be hisself too, moind ye.” Wet and mudd: the Middle and At! Secretary amar) wears his hair long— indeed, now we think of it, he must have worn it at least fifty- five years. «What is home with out a mother?” said a sorrowful little chicken who had been hatched by an incubator. “Cold day.” Arsenic Complexion Wafers, # 4. “Oh, certainly !” weather for intic States. ROBBED OF ITS POETRY. Littte Jounste. (inquisitively)—* Say, pa, what did Mr, Merritt mean last night when he spoke to Cura about the ‘fabric of i dream'?” Brown (impatiently)—— Mince pie, my boy—mince pie.” OBSERVATIONS. Dark and Sate weather. OUR ARTIST'S WEATHER REPORT, FOUNDED UPON BASEMENT-WINDOW High winds fair weather. | Brooklyn, 3.° He—‘All right then; 1 guess you can oblige a poor fellow with a bite.” A REVISED VERSION. “0 where are you going, my pretty maid?” “Dm going a chesnutin she said. And the upon sober truth, in suuth, forto! She had a ticket for the minstrel show. J A.W. KNEW HIM BY HIS TRADE-MARK. A New Yorker met a western friend who was on a visit to the metropolis, and said to him: “How did you spend Sunday?” “I humped myself an’ got over ter an’ corralled up in one of the gospel shops. “Beecher's?” “T don't know, but I reckon it warn't | Henry Ward's. “ Did the preacher work in about a proud ship and a mighty locomotive rushing and crushing to everlasting damnation? “Yer bet he did, stranger; rung ‘em in | four times.” “Oh, then it was Talmage.” Jefferson Davis, Esq.: Lie low. Shoot lecturing. Give agricultural shows the go by. Don't say aloud word. If you keep sill enough, somebody may think you are dead. Yours truly. TOO TRUE. Mrs. Brows (deeply interested)—*'I think Vill get anew suit for Johnny. What is the | most fashionable habit for a little boy of his age?” Mrs. Puewasu (char- acteristically) — The cigarette: habit.” The Catskill hotel- keeper now takes you on top of the barn, points out Vermont, the Maine election, | Nova Scotia, Canada, Mary Anderson's hat, and the man who fell off the bridge last sum- mer, but forgets to mention the bed or introduce you to the brass-lined rooster in the back yard. It was said of the eloquent prosecuting attorney that people hang upon his words. Starray Hl Shee | Vodr Weters'are leat WiiSine efeck ONEY | Fifth Avenue. New York, lady writes : “ Complexion much improved: send by bearer alx «anke bores for inclosed lady writes: " Kindly send another large box of your Wafers.” ‘my complexion nicely ; West 16th Street, Diseases of Femal ..N. Y., gentleman beat "Over isos ears wultations to 6 P."M, daily. ye end another ian comicbooks.com